Ex Post Facto

Some comments are long overdue viz the previous two posts. First, thanks to my dear friends for the lovely comments of encouragement. :D It helps, always, to know that someone cares when you start whining. On the drawing, yes, I did draw that. Ha ha. Bakat terpendam, seh. Actually, I did that last year. Haven't found the time to draw since school started. Hopefully, will post more drawings I have done soon - since Farah asked me to. Heh. My art friend. Hiakz.
Had bought some pastels; now need pastel paper (Art friend is right!) and fixative. And waiting for semester to end...and I shall be as arty as I want to be.

Am actually waiting for Azah and Farah to arrive (along with the car). We're goin' to a BBQ - a 2/7 reunion of sorts. Huzzah! The CNY weekend is not all about work. I have a social life. My, my. *eyeroll*.

artwork! [by special request]

regent's park, london 31/10/04
artist: fah
title of post: adik! (haha..most creative)

Comments: Ain, see no straight lines required

Blank screen

Am staring at the empty "compose" screen and had a realization that I have no idea what to write. This is more the case of "while the cat's away", the cat being my sister who had been on the Net for the past hours and finally stepped away to the toilet. Seize the day! Only to find there was nothing to seize (that's the same spelling for french "seven" I think. Not that it is connected, but random thoughts seemed appropriate for today). My life have been quite boring of late - school stuff. God, I'm just waiting for the torture to end. Hoping it will end with a bang, namely a London trip for Nazir's commencement. Maybe even Ireland, or Scotland before that. (Or Italy but I promised my sister we would go together. Hrrrr.rah?)

As usual, Nazir is very busy - never thought I was clingy but here I am whining everytime he leaves. My eldest sister is embarking upon a new job - fresh challenges and all that. Not quite a piece of cake (ha ha)...the jury is still out on that. Am hoping Adik writes something - I like reading her stuff. My own career is non-existant and I hope I do not have to think of it, at least until the end of the year. Despite my proclaimations of wanting tai-tai-dom, I love things too much. Don't think Nazir can support my shopping habits indefinately. Although, it was all his fault to begin with. Hah! See, if he had not complained about my lack of "elegant" clothes (don't ask - it's a boy term. So vague. Tsk.), my wardrobe tending to kawaii Japan-ness, I would not have embarked on a huge wardrobe makeover and subsequently being obsessed over shoes and bags, amongst other things! So it's all his fault. Ha ha.

Side note - writing a book is not as easy as it seems. Neither is writing a HT! As you might have guessed, both projects are stalling.

On to other news, my friends have persuaded me to take up exercise. So, with due thanks to dearest fit friends, I had. Did the whole workout thang, and it turned out okay. Of course, it helped Azah was with me - I would never do the damned thing if she wasn't there, me thinks. So, in conclusion, am more sociable than I had thought - I even need people to exercise. There is hope for me yet, eh? Speaking of, wish I had time to meet up with other friends, namely, Lin, SK, Amal (I wonder how the baby is too!), Banu and Farah. Now, though, everyone's busy - including self. :-( Hopefully, I will see you on the other side come July, dear friends, and pop the champange (of non-alcoholic variety, of course. hee.) .

Love is all around me

From Love, Actually:

[talking about her ex-boyfriend]
Natalie: He says no one's going to fancy a girl with thighs the size of big tree trunks. Not a nice guy, actually, in the end.
Prime Minister: Right. Goodness. Well, well. You know, being Prime Minister, I could just have him murdered.
Natalie: Thank you, sir. I'll think about it.
Prime Minister: Do. The SAS are absolutely charming. Ruthless trained killers are just a phone call away.

If only life could be that simple.

La tortura

Torture!!!

That sounded better in spanish, didn't it? School is starting tomorrow. Am looking forward to it - with much trepidation. Ha. On one hand, it spells the end of my school career (big hurrah!), on the other, the path towards the end is fraught with worries and danger (to my sanity). I do not have a concrete timetable (thanks fashelp!buggers) and that is wrecking havoc on my stress levels (not the best even at the best of times). Uncertainty, fear of failure, and just plain tiredness is making this (hopefully, oh GOD! please let it be the last) final semester an utter disaster. I keep looking to the end - not a good start, eh?

So, dear readers (I have been informed I have a wider following than I had anticipated. How flattering that anyone other than friends would want to read the mundane details of my life.), if angst and irritation, punctuated by weeks of silence is not your cup of tea, feel free to switch the next few months off. Hopefully, (again, please God let this be the last), I will be rid of all and will resume the normal course of my life by May.

In the meantime, instead of actually cracking the books for my infernal HT (Honours Thesis), I am dreaming of a time I can read, write and paint. When this is all over, I shall:

1. Stop thinking for six months.

2. Sleep for a month. Goodbye world.

3. Set up house. For real, unmarred by the cloud of studies.

4. Finish writing something. Anything.

5. Learn to paint beyond Sec 2 art.

6. Read what I bloody well like!!!!!

7. After six months mentioned above, start thinking real hard about reconciling my distaste of children and fears of mortality.

It's kind of sad though how I have moved from loving studying in Year 1 to hating it now. Maybe when my stress levels drop, I will once again appreciate the joys of learning. Right now though, I feel like disappearing into an unthinking state (which might be a relief to some people around me. Ha ha.).

Before I end, does anyone know how I can keep my previous posts - should I print everything? What a chore. Some easier way perhaps? Tech helpdesk, errr...help?!

Waiting for the right kind of pilot to come

Have just finished reading "Thirty bytes of solitude" by Lawrence Robinson, finally, after a couple of days worth of fines and a renewal. This holiday has not been good to me - rather busy and I have no idea what I really did. Okay, so I did do all my errands but that was it. I spent my holidays running errands?! God, am such a spaz. I haven't even read the books a fellow sci-fi-er lent me. And I will be meeting him next week. Ugh. The books have been in my possession for a couple of months. Ha ha. So has Farah's FYP which I still haven't watched! What is happening to me?

Bollocks. Iriver shut down on me. Wholly unrelated to tech woes but since I have digressed, the thought of returning for my (hopefully) final semester and worrying about getting the darned (started out ruder...am really trying to cut down on swearing. It's starting to embarrass even me. Here anyway.) modules have wreaked havoc on my stomach. It's either ulcers or gastric, both stressed induced. Or it could just be indigestion due to downing "may have laxative effect" sweets in a futile attempt to cure my cough.

"Thirty bytes of solitude" was pretty good - a book of my life. I seem to have an affinity for anti-heroes of the sharp wit variety who are angry with the screwy world (Christopher Brookmyre, Carl Hiaasen and now Lawrence Robinson). Usually British and in love with psychotic women. Hope that is not a bad sign. :(

Funny (non-ha ha sort) how my taste in music and books have changed. And not changed. Started with feminin (Malay girl band of the early nineties) and ended (for the present) with Shakira and opera. But there is a common thread nonetheless. Loved Malay rock bands of the Eighties persuasion (still do!) and ended with French rock. So, not that far off. And always, a taste for the wacky in my books, be it sci-fi or thriller (not much of that now). I remember the first book I genuinely liked (as opposed to reading because me mum told me to). Harriet the Spy. Sly digs at the world a la Hiaasen it may not be, but there is a sense of irrevance about these books that I still like. Of course, sci-fi has been a constant - from my first love (Asimov's Foundation series) to current reads.

Still, when I think about my life in relation to books and music, really, I was aiming for romances and pop - something light and feel-good. Not quite "Thirty bytes of solitude" and "To the moon and back" (Savage Garden). Somewhere along the way, reality butted in. So did people. ;)