Cobaan Ramadan

Have just recovered from a particularly debilitating bout of flu. Don't often get sick or this bad but was down for a week this time. Could not manage to visit Kamal (sorry! How are you? - messaged her but i think I have her old number.).
Rehan got sick too...but not as bad as me.

Babies seem to get a wee bit cranky (wee?!) in Ramadan to boot.

I know Ramadan is supposed to be about added religiosity but I have never been very good at that. This year, I have even stopped doing even terawih because it felt more like duty than prayer. And that's not the laziness talking (okay, maybe a bit). Despite outward appearance, I suspect I am not as good as some of my other (non-tudung) friends...which just goes to show, you can't judge people based on tudung alone! Not that I had thought otherwise but I have always known my own grey (spotted?) heart. Of course,we should not judge anyone at all really, but how many people do? Ha ha.

This year, I have come to the realization that religion is really not about these little rituals, although they help you (me)to think of God (when I am not comatose with fatigue, that is). God is not incidental to life, He is an integral part of it. This is not a particularly sobering realization but a joyful one. Because religion is about God, the everyday things you do can be religious. Stupid, unfulfilling things like cooking and laundry can be an act of worship for they are acts of kindnesses.

Most of all, I think of God and how great He is when I look at Rehan. Mostly when he is peacefully sleeping cos that's the only time I can think *snicker*. Seriously, when I think of the difficulty of bringing him to term, his narrow shaves as he toddles along, I thank God for protecting him. When I think of his inquisitiveness and intelligence, I thank God for blessing him. And when I see him do something sweet, like massaging me when he thinks I am tired, I thank God for answering my prayers.

Sometimes you get too tired to see past the laundry poles and forget about God, that's all.


Today, was recipient of three random acts of kindnesses! (A small girl gave her balloon to Rehan, someone retrieved it, and someone(1/7-ner!) forgave my pathetic memory for names with gentleness and grace). Says something about me more than the state of the world that they shocked me. I even stood gaping at the girl.

Finally, Adik...happy birthday and lovies. To the kindest, fairest soul I have ever known. Another reason for me to be thankful to God - a sister like you. May Allah bless you with joy and contentment in this life and after, in whatever form it may take.