Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on

(Everyone needs a friend to rely on)

When something goes wrong, one shouldn't complain when everything else is going right. But somehow that makes it worse, doesn't it?

The baby have started to move. Or rather, I have started feeling movements (and am v certain it's not gas). It's time to be an adult. How depressing.

Finding it hard to reach reasoned conclusions...maybe you are not supposed to. But it would be nice to be able to go through life with certainty (or not. I find people with certainty rather dogmatic, actually. Do I really want to be that way?). It's quite interesting to have a baby, but I do not want to be 'mother'. Being a mother is fine, not 'mother' if you know what I mean. I refuse to cede my individuality (gagsville: some people actually refer to self as 'umm xxx' i.e. mother of xxx) but it is starting to feel like swimming upstream in mud, if there is such a thing, when everyone else (generalization, of course) is determined to do it for you. If the self is how others see you, then I am in deep shit.

Funny how those who most want children (and love children. Even the less savory ones.) find it difficult to have them but I, who is too ambivalent to the whole thing, find myself in the very situation these people try so hard to be in. Maybe if we all get what we want, we will stop living. And I still do not understand why children are so desirable (other than for the continuation of the human race) to some. Sure they can be charming sometimes, but usually moulding them into that charming, decent human beings takes so much effort, too much responsibility. Surely anyone who wants to do right by their kids can realize you can never do it. It makes me want to give up before I even start. (Not that I can since I have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility.)

Anyway, am feeling much better so I should be out and about soon! Happily, the school holidays coincides with my general health, so I hope to be seeing some dear friends whom I have not seen for a long time. Huzzah!

Lovies to all who love little bun

Am feeling much, much better these days...although I am still cautious about proclaiming that from the rooftops. Orchard is pretty much the limit (by cab) though, so not quite the pink of health.

Went for the first scan yesterday. Whee...hee...he. It's a boy!

To all my dearest friends, thanks for the well wishes and love. :-)