La tortura

Torture!!!

That sounded better in spanish, didn't it? School is starting tomorrow. Am looking forward to it - with much trepidation. Ha. On one hand, it spells the end of my school career (big hurrah!), on the other, the path towards the end is fraught with worries and danger (to my sanity). I do not have a concrete timetable (thanks fashelp!buggers) and that is wrecking havoc on my stress levels (not the best even at the best of times). Uncertainty, fear of failure, and just plain tiredness is making this (hopefully, oh GOD! please let it be the last) final semester an utter disaster. I keep looking to the end - not a good start, eh?

So, dear readers (I have been informed I have a wider following than I had anticipated. How flattering that anyone other than friends would want to read the mundane details of my life.), if angst and irritation, punctuated by weeks of silence is not your cup of tea, feel free to switch the next few months off. Hopefully, (again, please God let this be the last), I will be rid of all and will resume the normal course of my life by May.

In the meantime, instead of actually cracking the books for my infernal HT (Honours Thesis), I am dreaming of a time I can read, write and paint. When this is all over, I shall:

1. Stop thinking for six months.

2. Sleep for a month. Goodbye world.

3. Set up house. For real, unmarred by the cloud of studies.

4. Finish writing something. Anything.

5. Learn to paint beyond Sec 2 art.

6. Read what I bloody well like!!!!!

7. After six months mentioned above, start thinking real hard about reconciling my distaste of children and fears of mortality.

It's kind of sad though how I have moved from loving studying in Year 1 to hating it now. Maybe when my stress levels drop, I will once again appreciate the joys of learning. Right now though, I feel like disappearing into an unthinking state (which might be a relief to some people around me. Ha ha.).

Before I end, does anyone know how I can keep my previous posts - should I print everything? What a chore. Some easier way perhaps? Tech helpdesk, errr...help?!