Unforgivable sin

"I have always thought that friendship is one of the most wonderful things. Even though friends don't agree, they accept. They forgive (and forget, though at times, forgetting takes a longer time). They may not meet everyday, every week, ever month, but when they do, things just continue where they left off.. They will be there when you really need them. At times, they can even sense that there is something wrong with you and will drop all other things just to talk or meet up, and be there. Even after you make stupid mistakes in your life, friends are willing to still hang around. Even if you refused to heed their advice and as a result, fall, they'd still continue to catch you. Even after you have disappointed them and you came saying you need help, they'd still want to help. That's what friendship is about and more... Sigh, maybe too idealistic but let me look at it that way. Anyway, just to say thank you to all my friends."

That was what Ain had to say about friendship. Very nicely put, I thought (so much so that I actually quoted the whole chunk. There's more but check out her blog yourself, if interested). It is interesting to see her perspective on things, mainly because I (at least) can see how her philosophy on friendship translates to her actions. She is a good friend, not just to me, but to many people. Always remembers people's birthdays, to invite them for stuff, listens when they talk...that sort of thing. Me, I am more of the "select few" kind of girl - those I really like, I treat really well. Those I dislike I leave alone. Thing that struck me with her entry was that Ain would forgive and forget, but me, I don't. I'm not talking about the petty things - I'm talking about being dumped by a friend.

I think everyone have had an experience of being dumped by a friend. You know how it is, all of a sudden, they stop returning your calls, forgetting appointments...and not because of a fall-out. In fact, you wouldn't even know WHY they dumped you. They just disappear.

This is a whack at catharsis, I suppose. It has been a year and a half since my wedding and I am still bitter about it. I had gone out of my way to invite a certain person to my wedding - I had invited very few people to begin with - arranged to meet (a couple of times, geez, that should have tipped me off), and personally handed the invite to her. She did not turn up. Subsequently, she had never contacted me (which was just as well for her. Ha.). I suppose I should have known, the signs of withdrawal had been going on well before this. But this is someone whom I had thought to be a very good friend and I just did not want to see them, maybe. It just pisses me off to know that I was just someone convinient, handy for the moment but not after. She had not been beyond asking me for help, many times appealing to that notion of friendship. You know, if it really was for fun (and hell, there have been many friends who had been just that), it's fine, really. Everyone knows the other is in it for short-term, a transitory bond forged by laughter and pleasure. Clear and above-board. But when you have expected and been given help through the shitty times, calling in not a favour but friendship, you have revoked the "dumping" right. I am more outraged that she could expect real friendship but did not want to return it. It's just not cricket.

People's reactions to this situation is quite interesting - some start blaming themsleves, wondering if they are not interesting enough, some will forgive and wait until the person comes back (if ever) and some will never forgive and cut off all ties, even if they come crawling back. Guess which category I'm in. Ha ha.

I suppose for me, given I have very few friends to start with anyway, I expect a certain degree of reciprocity in my friendships. My own basic rule of friendship - you do not screw your friend over. But if friendship (and love) is supposed to be unselfish, should there be that expectation? I really like the way Ain views friendship - but I can't be that better person to forgive when wronged.