Wishing for more Trek tech...this time a stasis chamber

[Warning - if you usually read my blog for fun reports on London, this is not it. Run, run like the wind...before you keel over from boredom. ;D]

Went to bed this morning on the wrong side of the bed. Now that the days are lengthening, I have been staying up until subuh as isya' is super duper late and subuh ends super duper early. Don't ask about the super duper. Just came out. Anyway, didn't go to sleep till around five during which interval I spent ranting at Nazir. Not about him (cause he's greaaaat) but my life. Poor guy - has a slightly manic depressive, slightly OCD wife. It's quite funny, nothing happened but just felt so... I don't know. Angry, upset and, at the same time, nothing - because it doesn't matter, does it? What one feels about life, I mean. It won't change the past, the present or the future. I should get lessons from Tuvok.

Have never been much for cheesy, "inspirational" emails but this one from Ain's blog May 11, 2005 occured to me when I woke up. Could be because I dreamt of Ain today (we were at one of those cruises, peculiarly enough. Not talking much but understanding one another perfectly. The usual). Not that am facing adversity - can a depressive state of mind of one's own making be considered that? I think not. Back to the cheese, am I the carrot, the egg or the coffee? Based on experience, none - I'm the bomb (not da bomb. Hee. *eye roll*). I explode when messed with. But since it's a metaphor, I shall stop being so bloody literal-minded. But it's quite difficult to deal with the metaphor (hokey metaphors making me think real hard. Strange). Cause what I usually do (after exploding) is solve the problem, only I do not move on from there. Long after the problem is solved, it would fester in my mind. Second guesses, why did it happen in the first place? So inside I get both hardened by the experience (the egg) and soft (the carrot) while the water around me changes (that was the point of solving the damn problem, isn't it? Ha.). So, I'm all three now?

What is it about growing up that makes one want to stick one's head in a hole, accompanied by real loud rock music? I wish for a stasis chamber now - living live in a stasis chamber. Loads more fun, I think. And what is it about me that makes me relate to life to the books I read and the shows I watch? Not a good sign to deal with reality with unreality. More on life and books. Been reading "About a boy" by Nick Hornby. Dead funny, by the way. So is the movie. There's a line somewhere which I can't quote exactly but something to the effect that all this discontent Will (Hugh Grant in the movie) is feeling is just basically boredom. He's angry, discontented when he really doesn't have anything to be unhappy about - unlike Marcus. Now that's real adversity. Yet, Will's unhappy though knowing there are people worse off than you doesn't help much. Makes it worse actually. Invalidates your feelings - which is not the way to go to solve the problem.

Am glad in a strange way I'm not the only one feeling this way... reading my friend's blogs is good for more than keeping in touch, after all. Jieja reminded me inadvertently from a comment on my blog that I should be grateful for what I have. I am, most of the times. Just not when in low funk. Sigh. Maybe it's just PMS.

Sorry for the long exposition. Was going to just update my fotopages but I couldn't stomach writing a cheery accompaning report on Harlech. Will do it when feeling better.