In leaves steps have trodden black

A round robin

2009-01-02T08:14:00.000-08:00

Pandering to Adik's love for lists: 2007, a year in entertainment

Favourite Book Find: Blood Red Rivers by Jean Christophe Grange
Thanks to Adik, I finally have a copy! A wonderful mystery/thriller that I discovered at Hornsey Library, back when I was in London. Partly nostalgic, and partly the strength of the book, I really enjoyed revisiting this book.

Favourite Romance Novel: Games of Command by Linnea Sinclair
Was torn between putting this in romance or sci-fi, being both (and managing to straddle the two genres comfortably) but decided to put it here because it is my favourite romance not my favourite sci-fi (as interesting as it was as a sci-fi).

Favourite Children’s Novel: Just in Case by Meg Rosoff
Bought this one on a whim, not knowing either book nor author. Was blown away by the solid writing and tight plot (kept me up all night when it was supposed to be a bedtime read), and interesting characters. It was funny without being slapstick but not so sophisticated that children can't understand the humour.

Favourite Science Fiction/Fantasy Book: Empire by Orson Scott Card
Although, to be fair, a winner by default since it was the only sci-fi book I read this year. Not a sci-fi year. But it was a good book, nonetheless.

Favourite Non-fiction Book:The Digital Photography Book Vol 1 and 2 by Scott Kelby
Newcomers to photography should read this easy to understand (and follow) book. Even those with point and shoot cameras would benefit.

Favourite Blog about books: Nalini Singh's blog
Okay, not really a blog about books all the time but I find have discovered Linnea Sinclair through her, and that earned major brownie points.

Favourite Sequel: Hostage to Pleasure by Nalini Singh
A surprising one - Dorian not being a particular favourite of mine but I really liked the heroine. :) The changeling series is really good, (although I do think the author gets better the more she writes), and is worth a read, even if you don't usually read romance.

Most Disappointing Sequel: The Mummy 3
Mums are ridiculously behind times - I got to watch this on rental DVD! Hated the show...except for Jet Li. But I can never hate Jet Li (hello, I watched the One and liked it!), so it does not signify.

Most Disappointing Book: The Lady in Blue by Javier Sierra
I have a feeling if I had not read Shadow of the Wind first, I might actually like this one. But if I had not read Shadow of the Wind, I would have never picked this up. I do not know what possessed me to buy this book; not that it was bad. Just stupendously boring. It is more of a Dan Brown than Shadow of the Wind, and I found Dan Brown really boring. Even the movie!

Most Disappointing Trilogy: The Sign of Seven trilogy by Nora Roberts.
A villain who is actually a demon and is called Lazurus Twisse. It gave me a craving for Twisties.
(As Adik put it. Agreed. Especially on the Twisties bit.)

Favourite English Song: Bleeding Love (Leona Lewis)
Me, and the rest of Singapore (according to Power 98), and Asia (MTV).

Most Weird Show that Adik ever made me watch: Jeritan Sepi

Favourite re-discovered show: Tru Calling
Died before its completion, no one really liked this show, I guess. I do, and was glad when SciFi Channel aired it.

Books I wished I had finished reading: The Dune series. I discovered this just after my A levels and since then I am still stuck at Dune Messiah. Argh.

Sands of time

2008-12-29T06:33:00.000-08:00

Ain has been successfully married. I feel happy for her, but I also feel a sense of loss. Not that I mind her getting married, or to Jazi. It's just that our girlhoods have passed, and I think fondly of those days when only our circle of friends matter most. But I am happy for her, to have found someone who loves her and will cherish her, as he had had the past years.

Watched Vicar of Dibley Christmas specials (yummy Richard Armitage!). V funny, I should start watching the whole series. I am such a Brit-com girl.

Up next...Azah! Hee hee. I am sure she is very excited.

Wiped Out

2008-12-16T08:27:00.000-08:00

One week of sleepless nights, wailing baby, giving medicine...and a sleeping baby on my tummy. Rehan was horribly sick last week - went to doc 3 times, he's still coughing a little. I am recalled to the first six months...how did I survive?

He's better now.

I have four weddings on the 28th. Wail!

Welcome to the motoring community

2008-11-21T07:07:00.000-08:00

I have a license to drive. Hee hee. Not a license to kill (God forbid.)

Am very happy because I passed my driving test today. More excited that I do not need to attend more lessons than to actually drive. Hee hee.

Lots of hees today. :)

DIY

2008-11-12T02:48:00.001-08:00

Am contemplating taking a carpentry and home DIY course next year. Tried ITE but there was not any. :( Any suggestions, guys?

Not going to be a carpenter! Just want to fix stuff and make own shelving units if needed. Brrr, it's hard to be so dependent on others for even basic drilling.

New resolution: Independent woman!

Bubbles

2008-10-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

When you belong to a certain group who think the same way, you tend to reinforce each others' weaknesses. It is good (yet uncomfortable) to be with a variety of people. I have to remind myself that sometimes. But growing is hard, whether you are one and a half or twenty six.

This year, I chose not to grow, preferring to stick my head in the sand (or to the ground if you want to be scientifically precise). Exhausted by pretending and making nice.

There is no greater comfort blanket than the warm, soft cheek of a baby coming off the breast. He smells milky sweet, feels like fuzzy peach, and yummy enough to eat. (You do not get the same effect from bottle feed, for info.) I do not have the words for that mix of tenderness, wonder and sheer joy you feel. (Mostly when he is sleeping.) You know they say love hurts. I guess it is true - cause you can love so much your heart actually hurts. Not quite the meaning of the phrase, but true nonetheless.

Rehan is becoming a very affectionate boy. He kisses me when he wakes up before he runs off to play, he hugs me spontaneously, pats me softly. It's freaky sometimes how he seems to know just when I need it. But when you live with someone every minute of the day, it is inevitable you can sense their moods. Apparently, babies are good at this...sensing parents' moods.

Are people naturally self-absorbed? I look at babies and I don't think so. Selfish, yes. Self-absorbed, no. Isn't it distressing to think you might have nurtured your own narcissistic tendencies? What do you call it when you think you are always right and every one who disagrees with you idiots? It is too depressing to converse with one,mainly because you can't! (Narcissists, not idiots. Such an ugly word, idiot. So is retard.

Just some rambling thoughts. Must be cause I have driving tomorrow and don't want to go to bed, even though I have to.

Cobaan Ramadan

2008-09-27T08:36:00.000-07:00

Have just recovered from a particularly debilitating bout of flu. Don't often get sick or this bad but was down for a week this time. Could not manage to visit Kamal (sorry! How are you? - messaged her but i think I have her old number.).
Rehan got sick too...but not as bad as me.

Babies seem to get a wee bit cranky (wee?!) in Ramadan to boot.

I know Ramadan is supposed to be about added religiosity but I have never been very good at that. This year, I have even stopped doing even terawih because it felt more like duty than prayer. And that's not the laziness talking (okay, maybe a bit). Despite outward appearance, I suspect I am not as good as some of my other (non-tudung) friends...which just goes to show, you can't judge people based on tudung alone! Not that I had thought otherwise but I have always known my own grey (spotted?) heart. Of course,we should not judge anyone at all really, but how many people do? Ha ha.

This year, I have come to the realization that religion is really not about these little rituals, although they help you (me)to think of God (when I am not comatose with fatigue, that is). God is not incidental to life, He is an integral part of it. This is not a particularly sobering realization but a joyful one. Because religion is about God, the everyday things you do can be religious. Stupid, unfulfilling things like cooking and laundry can be an act of worship for they are acts of kindnesses.

Most of all, I think of God and how great He is when I look at Rehan. Mostly when he is peacefully sleeping cos that's the only time I can think *snicker*. Seriously, when I think of the difficulty of bringing him to term, his narrow shaves as he toddles along, I thank God for protecting him. When I think of his inquisitiveness and intelligence, I thank God for blessing him. And when I see him do something sweet, like massaging me when he thinks I am tired, I thank God for answering my prayers.

Sometimes you get too tired to see past the laundry poles and forget about God, that's all.

Today, was recipient of three random acts of kindnesses! (A small girl gave her balloon to Rehan, someone retrieved it, and someone(1/7-ner!) forgave my pathetic memory for names with gentleness and grace). Says something about me more than the state of the world that they shocked me. I even stood gaping at the girl.

Finally, Adik...happy birthday and lovies. To the kindest, fairest soul I have ever known. Another reason for me to be thankful to God - a sister like you. May Allah bless you with joy and contentment in this life and after, in whatever form it may take.

Out of office

2008-08-29T08:22:00.000-07:00

Mum just discharged. Post-op busy.

Oh yeah, failed driving test. Upon retrospect, tester was out to fail me. Probably. He even went out of the car to check my parking (which to my smug satisfaction was perfect. Ha ha. Okay, petty of me to feel that way but I am human.). Who gives a shit anyway? Test 2 coming up. Bleagh.

Chicken Little

2008-08-09T01:52:00.000-07:00

(Me: This has been a really difficult week.

Nazir: As if the world is ending. (maybe it makes more sense in Malay)

{Me thinks, if I could be so lucky})

But the world continued functioning even though ours was falling apart. First, my mum was hospitalised and went on 2 week MC. This time, it was MC for real so I had to cook (hate!) and everyone else did various chores. Team Kita, GO! I fell sick, horrible flu, Rehan got the itches which meant little sleep for me, Rehan recovered and then got the flu, and on the same day, whacked his head and got a goose egg for his efforts. A bleeding one at that.

Not the most fun of weeks.

On the upside, birthday was fun (care bear cake!) thanks to dear sisters and got my wishlist perfume - Penhaligon's Lily and Spice (which I am wearing at the moment) and L'Artisan Parfumeur Un te pour un ete, courtesy of sweeto husband and a whole lot of samples gratis and bought. Yay! Am rediscovering the joys of perfume now that it's puke-y no more. Two years without perfume! I am making up for lost time. Tried Serge Lutens and even though lots of perfumistas rave about that (and not Penhaligon's), I care very little for the line. A little too heavy and complicated for my taste. I guess I like the 'simple English style' of perfumery.

By request!

2008-07-18T03:03:00.000-07:00

hero hindustan

at the zoo, looking at monkeys, not the ones with
the cameras

He got me spending...spending all my money on him, spending time on him.

My Star Trek Crew

2008-07-10T07:45:00.000-07:00

List-making mood! Inspired by the coming of SciFi Channel. Yes, my TV watching has just upped recently.

Captain
Kathryn Janeway

First Officer
T'Pol

Tactical Officer
Tuvok

Chief Engineer
Charles "Trip" Tucker III

Helm
Tom Paris

Ops
Harry Kim

The Doctor
Doctor Julian Bashir
(Of course.)

Ranking - for Adikins, of course

2008-06-30T08:04:00.000-07:00

My Top Ten Sci-Fi Tv series

Now, obviously I have not watched every science fiction show there is (though with Sci-Fi Channel now -hurrah- I can come even closer to everything! ha ha). So, this is a personal list of my favourite sci fi shows.

1. Eureka
The best. Sheriff Jack Carter. Funny normal everyday guy who is trying to contend with strange - in quantum physics, not X-files, sort of way - town. Somehow, even with his average IQ in a town of geniuses, he is the one who makes the connections, and saves the day. Sort of like the US/Russia, pen/pencil (urban?) legend.
Good characters and interplay between the characters. Fresh storylines - and when you are dealing with genre...well, it's easy to get generic. Mutant X vs.Dark Angel, if you know what I mean.

2. Dr. Who (BBC)

Almost made it to Number One. Did not...because plot wise, has some fantastic episodes and some run of the mill ones, while Eureka does consistently well. Still, good characters, good stories, also.

3. Space: Above and Beyond

Little known, but will always have a place in my heart. Watched this with my sister at one am, every week, even when we had school the next day. To start with, might be dismissed as a typical shoot 'em masquerading as sci fi (think Star Wars - I am a fan, but you have to admit, more SFX less sci-fi). But the twist at the end, where you find out how the war started, is the stuff of sci-fi.

4. ST: DS9

Surprising, perhaps, since I love VOY. Like Eureka vs. Dr. Who, this is a close one. Both has good characters, but DS9 took more risks in plot, characters and even shots. And there is 'Far beyond the stars' (Season 6), one of the most interesting episodes in Star Trek.

Of course, Dr. Bashir tipped the scale a bit. Hee hee.

5. ST: VOY

Going where no man has gone before. Finally, returns to the essence of Star Trek, I think, anyway. Stranded in the Delta quadrant, Voyager explores space and rediscovers the wonders of the universe.

A crack at TNG here: no politicking, blah Federation bits. Sorry, TNG fans - it just got a little dull towards the end.

6: Sliders

Perhaps not the most original premise, but saved by the good characters, interesting plots. Lost steam towards the end, but most shows do.

7: The Lost Room

Not too sure if this qualifies since it is a three part movie. Or a really long one, depending on how you look at it. But too good to be left out. Breathtaking shots, enough twists and turns to keep you guessing and original storytelling - in all senses of the word; the way it is told, and the story itself.

8. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

A slicker (and more tightly plotted) production than the original movie. I loved the characters, especially the interaction between John and his mum, I can forgive the somewhat weak storyline.

9. Heroes

Not terribly original in premise of storyline (think X-men gone series) but the characters are engaging, SFX great and somehow the retelling of the whole mutant thing works. It just does, and I don't know why.

10. Roswell

Again, not too original and lost steam towards the end. But I liked the OC meets sci-fi vibe.

So, why not X-files? Almost a sacrilege, maybe. I loved X-files, esp the first three seasons (conspiracies did not work for me!) It was groundbreaking,certainly. But it is one of the shows that I liked purely intellectually but did not have emotional resonance. But hey, it's my list.

Here's the strangest thing: Xena and Buffy are sci-fi? I love them both, but sci-fi? Hmm...who classifies all these?

Slummy Mummy

2008-06-06T07:45:00.000-07:00

Rehan's hat fell on the ground and I picked it up, shook it and crammed it back on his head. One scant year ago I would have shrieked and it would have gone straight to the wash. Ditto sticky fingers (wet wipes,if there are any. If not, hey, my sleeve works.), Rehan's drool etc (again sleeve), and any other baby stuff other people will go eek at.

Have not written in months, not even a party wrap up (figured those who were there won't need to read about it, and, really, I have a feeling only those people who came are the only friends I have left. Ha ha. Motherhood is hard on maintaining friendships.) Now that he is bigger, I am less exhausted because there is less breastfeeding, but have less time cos he's apt to get into all sorts of trouble unsupervised. And let me tell you, he's damned fast!

Barney is Rehan's new best friend! And I have Barney CDs now! How the mighty has fallen.

Rave TV stuff: Eureka (Season 2 on StarWorld. Solid sci-fi, cutie Sheriff Carter. What more can a girl want? Other than Rose and the Doctor getting together.)

Terminator : The Sarah Connor Chronicles. (Season 1 just started on Ch 5, while AXN just wrapped it up. How fortuitous.)

And...Barney! Ha ha. Not.

A year older

2008-03-13T19:42:00.000-07:00

I find myself anticipating Rehan's birthday more eagerly than my own. In one year, Rehan has achieved so much...it still amazes me that a year ago, he was so small and dependent and now, he's so independent and assertive. Yet, he will still come to me for his milk and food, to soothe his hurts, or just to press a wet, sloppy kiss. He might be growing, but he's still my baby.

Even as he changes, there are still streaks of Rehan-ness. His determination in doing anything, first, trying to flip on his tummy to now, trying to walk on his own. His bright-eyed curiosity of the world around him. His intelligence, solving problems with ingenuity - like how to bring a ball up the stairs with him, without asking for help.

And there are new things - a hint of stubborness in doing anything forbidden (ay, dios mio! nazir's fault, ha ha), expressing his displeasure very loudly and vehemently, having my own single-mindedness and the need to pick things apart to see how they work (from me, also!).

A big bundle of joy!

Finally, congratulations to me and Nazir for having survived one year of parenthood, still together!

Birthday bash

2008-03-09T05:56:00.000-07:00

No, not mine! Hee hee. My wee baby is turning ONE! Yay! No longer wee baby, but big baby.

So, beloved friends (the usual suspects lah), please keep Good Friday afternoon free. We are going to party!

Details on the way. Full time mom lembab sikit, invites masih belum buat. Ha ha.

Countdown 2008

2007-12-31T07:52:00.000-08:00

Karoke much!

I wish Singapore bands/'artists' write their own songs. Or get to play their own songs. Or at least stop mangling songs I like!

2007, A year of growth...sideways, outwards, inwards and all around

2007-12-28T07:44:00.000-08:00

To have a year to reflect upon is truly a stupendous thing. I have never had to take stock of my life or year before - life just happened, travelling on the pre-set course I had planned. But if it is one thing that defines parenthood, it is that you just cannot plan for it. Sure, there's family planning (ha ha), but can you prepare yourself for the reality of parenting? Books you can read, but nothing prepares you for the actual screaming, crying, smiling, laughing, growing baby.

As my dear Rehan grows, I find myself, for the first time in my life perhaps, actually growing. The sheer terror of responsiblity, I guess.

I don't usually offer unsolicited advice, anyway, this is not advice. Just what I have learnt.

I am glad, so glad to have waited three years before (sort of) deciding to have a baby. Three years of getting to know my husband, screaming the corners off each other have made parenthood (slightly) easier. The first three months of a baby's life is the horriblest of your married life. Mine, anyway. But forewarned is forearmed, I hope.

I spent some months being estatic and weepy at the same time. If it sounds strange to you, well, it is strange to experience.

The most important thing is not love, but forgiveness. The willingness to look not beyond your husband's (and own) faults, but to look at them squarely, and accept that you cannot change people, much, not even yourself. You can only control your impulses, your reactions. And most of the time, that is good enough.
To forgive mistakes, because it is not what has been done that is important, but what will be done.

That, at the end of the day, a baby is a neverending bond, even in death or divorce.

That, a marriage works better when you work together rather than for another.

That volume is not strength, but bullying. That silence is not acceptance, but tolerance.

That friendship exist even when friends are in absentia (my dear 2/7-ners anyway).

That one should always offer opinions with caveats, because you never know when the rug is going to be pulled from under your feet.
That certainty is not always a good thing. And that doubt is not always a bad thing.
Be careful of what you say, the conclusions that you make, especially when you are most convinced of its certainty.

That being a woman is not that bad after all. (It's society that suck!)

Mother of all inventions

2007-12-19T07:30:00.000-08:00

Me: Sayang, where did you put the diapers?

Nazir (looking aghast): What do you mean diapers? We didn't bring it back. I put it back.

Me (nearly yelling): What?!!! Kan I dah cakap, kita takde pampers lagi. You never listen to me, kan? (yelling, nearly hsyterical now) You always never listen. (Breaking two communication rules simultaneously.) I TOLD you it was important.

Rehan, naked, happily rolling about in his towel

Me (in happier tone): Takpe, takpe, kita pakai yang kain. (smugly) Nasib baik masih ada.

Azrifah goes to computer, googles "how to put on cloth diapers". [Try it.] Lousy search results. Gets annoyed. Rehan in lap, still naked and in towel, trying to grab the laptop.

Me: Sayang! I don't know how to put on cloth diapers. And this *********************** (edited for Rehan's benefit). Kan I dah cakap, must bring the diapers home. Dah takde. You never listen. I am always right about these things. Tak nak dengar.

Nazir(getting annoyed): Sorry lah sayang.....

Azrifah ignores poor husband. Concentrates on putting on cloth diapers. Ingenious!

Me (cheerfully): Hee hee. Tengok tu! Your wife so clever.

Nazir: Rehan looks like kacang putih man.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehan out sick whole of last week. Kesian maknye. (Ha ha ha.)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all? Rehan!

2007-12-10T16:50:00.001-08:00

eating a strawberry
sleeping like a baby

by rehan: f777777777777777777777777777777 c

2007-12-09T07:21:00.000-08:00

Despite being absolutely knackered, and really needing sleep, with a mountain of laundry that is slowly diminishing (rain NOT helping but this puteri lilin shall not complain). Rehan is in the "I want my mummy ONLY" mood, so am feeling a little drained as not much help can be rendered at the moment. My mum, sister and father are safely at Mecca; my mum not really communicating, as we expected; my father and sister enjoying themselves from all accounts.

I just wanted to put up pics really so here they are (long overdue):

At East Coast:

My Faris!

2007-12-03T07:55:00.000-08:00

Whenever I watch a Hindi show, I feel like learning Hindi. When I listen to a Spanish song, I want to learn Spanish. And so on. Not just to learn the language, but to know the nuances of the language, the metaphors, the culture.

And watched Lancang Kuning and wished I had paid more attention to Malay literature. I love the oldies! The characters might piss you off but at least they engage. Instead of being irritated by the dismal quality of the production. Somehow, despite the lack of technology back then, the quality of camera work and even special effects (!) is better than any Malay film since. (I am thinking, with horror, of the eighties, especially.)

Also watched Om Shanti Om. I like! Drama, drama and more drama. Tee hee.

In the middle of Chakde! India. Fascinating, in that central to the theme is the diversity of India. As opposed to the monolithic Hindi speaking India that is often presented by Bollywood. (Am aware that there is a range of Indian films that is not limited to Bollywood. But not having watched much, can't really say.)

Have lots of work. And naturally, now is when I write. Ha ha.

Tee hee

2007-11-01T23:58:00.001-07:00

http://www.salon.com/comics/opus/2007/08/26/opus/

http://www.salon.com/comics/opus/2007/09/02/opus/

Pity about the censorship:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,294779,00.html

Astaghfirullah. What is the world coming to? (Ha ha ha ha ha...)

Lost in translation

2007-10-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

Neccessarily oblique

Please note: Men are NOT heads of household. Siapa kasi jawatan, ha? Perasan aje. Yetch yetch.

[NOT Nazir, I married an enlightened man. Or kalau tak, kena kick on backside.]

During Raya
Certain uncle (from marriage): Wah! Dah kuat lah dia (ref Rehan). Baguslah. Budak laki memang kuat. Bukan macam perempuan.

Me (silently): Get stuffed, fool. Argh. Piss off. Piss off. Shall not bellow. I want to see you be in labour for 6 hours (and more, for most people). Try walking around with stitches afterward, too, while you are at it. And breastfeeding. One kick in the balls, and you are moaning. Try being ripped apart and stitched back again. Thrice. (not me - said uncle's wife).

Actually, my response was an insipid 'hee hee' though it may have sounded like 'urafhg'.

One small step for mankind, a giant leap backward for womenkind.

Sometimes I wonder if Nazir escaped unscathed.

Another lip-twitching/teeth-grinding moment

Auntie (from Nazir's side, again. I don't have such mad relatives. Or at least we have stopped visiting them. Hurrah!): Baguslah Ustaz datang. Berkat. Ada baby ustaz lagi.

(to Nazir): Kalau bawa pergi masjid (Rehan), mesti orang takde anak nak dukung. [*to get children apparently* What?]

And she kept calling Nazir "Ustaz" throughout! V creepy. And this his father's sister. Normal people call their nephews by name. Right? Right? Well, his other aunties do. And she kept going on and on about how fortunate it is anak ustaz came. I felt like grabbing Rehan and running. Mujarab ke ada ustaz in da house? Ha ha .

It's laugh or go mad.

[Sorry for not translating. Some things just cannot be translated.]

Grinching my way home

2007-10-23T07:23:00.000-07:00

A long hiatus due to Ramadan. Somehow, the month passed by so quickly, and I have no idea what I did or why I was so busy, but I was. The small day-to-day things add up to a whole lot of things, and am I tired.

Hari Raya follows and in its wake, utter exhaustion.

Thanks to all friends (esp Azah, who messaged me something nice on a really bad day, but I just couldn't bring myself to reply that day) for the Raya messages for the Grinch. Too bad (for me) I couldn't steal Raya.

Looking forward to jalan raya (abbreviated version though cos of baby) with the girls. Now that is my kind of party. Ha ha.

Pics of Rehan on first raya!

The family photo

(Woo hoo! Timer mode! Love my camera!)

Smile caught on camera

(Continuous mode! Double love my camera!)

Excitedly receiving duit Raya...

...but only to eat.

[Ah, shite. Read Ros' blog. Am a little backdated but...it really puts things in perspective. Shall stop whining. Now.]

Sorry for the whining...Raya grinch no more. Am truly blessed. :)

You know you have hit rock bottom when...

2007-10-04T07:23:00.000-07:00

...you wish them dead rather than see them again.

Read: A Gathering Light by Jennifer Donnelly. Highly recommended!

Where does a trail of broken promises lead?

2007-10-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

Things have to pick up soon. A long stretch of tiredness all around. But I really cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. All I can see is Hari Raya coming. The Raya grinch is back. (Not even a ha-ha.) Arguments about houses to go to and when, who does what, wishing some people who come to your house wouldn't bother, because all they bring is nasty insinuations, criticism and expectations that host is a bloody slave, when really it should be a happy occasion. That is the reason why you can pick friends. Unfortunately, not your relatives (or husband's, for that matter).

12 days to go. Whoopee-doo.

Mal a la semaine

2007-09-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

(Trying to be funny but this is the best I can come up with in current state)

Nazir was sick. Then, I was sick. At the same time, Rehan got sick. Mummies don't get MC even when sick. V tired and sadkins. Nazir off to Copenhagen, so, packing and big miss. Wail!

Bad week.

Weaning wee baby

2007-09-03T06:24:00.000-07:00

Rehan has started on solids. He is in the 25th percentile for length, 50th for weight and head circumference. The ranking has started!!! Ha ha. So, the nurse (strongly) advised for him to get started on solids. Hmm...my baby seems v advanced in everything.

He's asking for less breast-time. At the moment, it's a welcome slow-down. But it also makes me realize that I will miss breastfeeding tremendously when we finally stop it totally. Euf. Will miss cuddling him close, falling asleep with him drinking milk happily. "Experts" advise not to let baby fall asleep while on breast (in case he associate it with sleeping) but it seems as though I am the one being conditioned to sleep with him attached. Rehan, on the other hand, just rolls over and sleep. Ha ha. Just as well.

Thanks to good husband for giving me holiday! LOVE!

A picture is worth a thousand words

2007-08-23T19:44:00.001-07:00

but you don't need a thousand words to paint a picture.

Still in the middle of Zafon's "The Shadow of the Wind". Marvelling at the beautiful words and descriptions. I like sharp and concise phrases that convey more in ten words than most others do with a paragraph.

(Started some poetry too - will update on foray soon.)

Splish Splash Fun

2007-08-20T04:07:00.001-07:00

Bought a mini pool for Rehan cos he loves the water so much. Look at his happy face!

Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose

2007-08-17T23:36:00.000-07:00

Had a week of TV and books (two things you can do while breastfeeding, fyi) - even watched Bring it on 3, only because Hayden Panettiere (Heroes). My usual: Heroes (Milo V!), Eureka (Buffy-esque sci-fi; very good stuff btw, if you like sci-fi), Dr. Who, Bones (crap, really, but Angel!), CSI:NY, etc etc, which will not interest most people, I bet. Ha ha.

Moving on. Watched "V for Vendetta". Okay, may be a little too late to be raving about it, but I love this show. Started watching because of Hugo Weaving but LOVE the show. Want to find DVD but suspect will go the way of Sin City i.e. not available in Singapore. Grrrr. Most annoying. Watch it if you like the Phillip K Dick sort of fare.

Also, in the middle of Carlos Ruiz Zafon's "The shadow of the wind". Rave, rave. Must read for anyone who loves books. And as a result of his beautiful prose, I have decided to give poetry a go. Found an Emily Dickinson poem I like (yet again, her! must check out anthology) "I felt a funeral in my brain".

Yay. Fun.

Blue Moon (auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu)

2007-08-15T08:21:00.000-07:00

Your signature color is Sterling Blue
You've got a good head on your shoulders and you're not afraid to use it. Serious, intellectual types like you meet their match with a cool color that sparkles with the same striking intelligence as you do. That's why Sterling Blue is the ideal match for you! This is not to say that you've always got your head in a book. Not by any stretch. While you may not be the person at the party kicking off the karaoke, you're probably the one starting up stimulating conversations and making your cohorts chuckle with your quick wit. You're likely to have an insatiable curiosity that's catchy, and friends who know that you are a great person to turn to when they need a logical head to help them sort through their problems. So keep it up with your sterling hue of blue. You probably have a way of keeping things deep that people truly appreciate!
What's Your Signature Color?
Brought to you by Tickle

A stitch in time

2007-08-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

Love my camera!

Birthday 'jakun'

Little Guilin never looked so good

National Day

Labrador Park (try to find the seam)

Thanks Farah - stitching is my new best friend. :) Ready for shootouts? Ha ha.

Finally, me boy sleeping so peacefully.

The Gentleman Robber

2007-08-02T19:14:00.000-07:00

(Gentleman Caller = Death, Gentleman Robber = Time. Geddit? Ha ha)

Last week went by so quickly: Nazir's supposed New York trip that involved packing - and not unpacking (men! guess who has to do it? brrr.), Rehan's injection part 2 and subsequent fever. It is the usual nightmare when Rehan is sick: being irrationally afraid and tired at the same time. Not a good combi.

Today's anthem: Bon Jovi's Greatest Hits - and we are back in the eighties!

Birthday is dawning upon me. Older but not wiser, I think. Isn't that depressing?

This time last year, I was puking my guts up.

This year I have Rehan!

What have I learnt in twenty-five years: people suck, mostly. If that is to be my epitath, I think I need to have my head checked.

Need to focus on the positive! Remember the people who do not suck, namely, Crescentians! and my dear friends and family. Actually, that's quite a lot of people - just overwhelmed by gross people. :P Hence, focus on the positive. (Yah, I know, Nazir!)

Read Carl Hiaasen's "Nature Girl". That is so me. If let loose upon the world.

Birthdays are always a a big deal in my family. This weekend promises loads of fun: celebrations start today with buying my present. Nazir proposed dinner with his family - ha ha. So not the thing for birthday. After twenty five years of celebrating with my family, it has become an unbreakable tradition. I guess it is true that we are a little insular. Ha ha. :) BIG LOVE!

Just for laughs

2007-07-22T22:25:00.000-07:00

Entered and did not win Life's ghost story competition. A little disgruntled not with the fact that did not win, but with the winning stories. Am actually quite proud of my story (hence, letting the world read it), and apparently, Nazir's philosophy has rubbed off on me - it only matters that I did my best. However, the story (read only the second; a little too busy to notice that the results were out) that was picked, I thought, was not at all ghostly or scary, tries too hard to be clever (failing obviously) and was not quite in the spirit of the competition (of what I can tell from the feature article) - which makes me feel as though the reporters were really taking the piss at Russell Lee etc. It just grates that when people, in general, and journalists/reviewers, in particular, sniff at 'popular' books, in a manner that suggests virtue in contempt. If you don't like it, fine. But there is nothing wrong with liking popular books. Just like there is nothing really wrong about liking airy fairy stuff. There is nothing inherently good about one if one likes 'literature'. It also does not make a person dumb if you like popular books - which seems to be their insinuation. How annoying.

Even more so, is that they don't really know what they are talking about, having not read the genres they disdain. Viz. a really bad piece about chick lit and romance some time back, which only betrays their ignorance of the genre and lack of research in general. (Hah - they made a mistake about Star Trek too, don't think I will forget that!). As Adik says, Harry Potter would not have been published in Singapore. Sad.

Ok, so, (only) for those interested to read (Thanks, Saf!), my story:

Feeding frenzy

“Damn it, Marlina. I have put up with a lot this past two years. You were so damned slow in giving me a baby. Now, you have lost him. This really takes the cake. The court is going to hear about this, I promise you,” Marlina’s husband ranted at her.

Marlina did not hear the harsh words. Still in shock, she looked at her husband, barely seeing him. His voice had faded to a murmur. She could not believe her beautiful little boy was gone, just like that. She had only had him for two days.

Please help me find my baby.

She repeated the prayer over and over in her head, praying to whatever deity could hear her.

Marlina’s closed eyes and seeming deafness only infuriated her husband further. As he moved to strike her, her body faded from that plane. He struck thin air, then, felt around, rather foolishly.

Marlina’s eyes snapped open when she heard her baby’s wail. Before her, stood a middle-aged woman, quite ordinary-looking. The only strange thing about her was her translucency. Marlina realized that she could see right through the woman to the other side. Cold crept from her fingertips and crawled its way to her heart. Not quite believing her eyes, she also registered that she was standing in the middle of a nursery, furnished with the latest designs. The cot sheets had Pooh on it, she thought dazedly.

The woman, or rather, spirit, was cooing over little Sharif. A rage, surpassing anything she had felt before, seeped through her initial fear.

Marlina cleared her throat, as the spirit sang a lullaby to Sharif, oblivious to Marlina’s presence.

The spirit turned around with a start.

“Hello?”

No, the spirit was not that ordinary. She had the coldest eyes Marlina had ever seen. Marlina never knew orange could freeze. She shoved her fear aside to speak to the spirit.

“I want my baby back,” Marlina said, tremulously, without preamble.

The spirit frowned a little at this breach of manners.

“I beg your pardon?”

“That is my child. And I want him back.”

The spirit’s brows furrowed. Then, she smiled as comprehension dawned.

“Oh! Well, I’m afraid that is not possible,” she said gently.

“What do you mean, ‘not possible’? That was not a request!”

Little Sharif whimpered. The spirit frowned at Marlina in annoyance. Still, she kept her temper.

“Don’t you remember when you had wished someone would take him away? So, I did. You can’t just take him back when you feel like it.” She passed her ghostly hand through Sharif’s heart. The little boy quieted.

“Now, if you will excuse me, I have to feed my baby.”

“That’s my baby!”

Marlina watched in horror as the spirit started breastfeeding her baby. As the baby suckled, he grew more insubstantial. His skin became translucent, and slowly, he faded. He became more like the wretched spirit the more he drank.

“Pontianak ti-bam ti-bam. Dapat anak pipi tembam[1],” the spirit sang to Sharif, wholly unconcerned by Marlina’s distress.

Impotent fury had Marlina clenching her fists. She ran to her baby, uncaring of her stitches.

“Stop it!”

She moved to grab her precious boy but her hands merely passed through him.

Calmly, the spirit said, “There’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Take me, instead.”

The spirit raised an eyebrow.

“Do you really mean that?”

Something stroked Marlina’s throat, tightened around it.

“Do you mean, you will go through pain, the pain of death for this boy?”

Marlina clawed at the invisible hands strangling her.

The spirit watched from afar, with contempt.

“And you say you are willing to die for him.”

“Reflex,” Marlina choked out as she willed her hands down. She fell to her knees, and then, to the floor. As she felt life ebbing away, she felt curiously unafraid. She had never thought she could have faced death with such sanguinity.

Death makes one see things, she thought hazily.

“You know the rules.”

And hear things.

Marlina’s glazed-over eyes met the new specter’s. Its diminutive form belied its deep voice. The spirit who had kidnapped her son looked disgruntled.

“I was just testing her,” she said.

The smaller specter frowned.

Marlina felt the grip on her throat loosen, and finally disappear.

“You can have your baby back,” the spirit relented, surly.

Marlina took Sharif back gratefully.

She cleared her throat.

“Er, I don’t suppose anyone can send me back?” she rasped.

The tiny ghost gave a bark of amusement.

In an instant, Marlina found herself back on the bed. She looked down at Sharif. He was back to normal. Then, she looked up and glared at her husband. She had learnt quite a lot about courage.

She said to her stupefied husband, “You want sole custody? Over my dead body.”

[1] Pontianak got a chubby-cheeked child.

You can do it!

2007-07-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

For Cik Lin:
I will survive

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
with you crying by my side
And I spent so many nights
feeding so you would be strong
I came to mourn
All the sleep that is gone
and so you're back
asking again
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
and so I heaved a sigh
when I really want to cry
I cannot say no to your wailing cries
Cause you are my responsibility

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
the little voice telling me it’s futile
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die

Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to open
The eyes that had no sleep
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm chained to a little person
Me, who love too few
assaulted by a god made of tin
and I’m learning to ignore thee
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me

A happy baby makes a happy mother

2007-07-10T04:14:00.000-07:00

Big kisses from Rehan to all his aunties

(and perasan 'kakak's and the princess)

We Came

2007-07-07T19:07:00.000-07:00

We saw (no one) and we conquered. Despite having a horribly packed 070707 (on that note: the next person to get married, do not marry on 080808 please), I rushed to Kamal's wedding at Fort Canning. Hiked (hiked!) miles and miles in heels before finally arriving at the destination. Honestly, if Farah was not waiting at the top, I would have given up. Of course, only to find the pack has departed. The four of us (Nazir and Rehan too!) then meandered our way down; I took off my heels in favour of Nazir's socks. Thus bizzarely attired, we conquered Fort Canning Park (ok, so we did get lost a bit too).

With dear Farah!

Abandoned shoes in hand

And I realized that it was the best day I have had in a long time.

Je pense

2007-06-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

Donc, je suis.

-Rene Descartes

(Okay, yaya papaya way to say "I think therefore I am". Incidentally, is original quote. Blame Nazir's francophonie moment!)

In the pursuit of money, I have been entering writing contests (my only marketable "at home" skill, it seems). Am stumped by Reader's Digest's "My Story", unfortunately. They want something beyond everyday life. Right...well, my life is ordinary. And as happy as it is, it is not the stuff of inspiration/fantasy/fiction. The sensible in me have always thought that it would be damned uncomfortable to live a fictional life. But it is also difficult to write something, when needed.

Ha ha. Oh well. Anyway, just a filler item to mark yet another uneventful event in my life.

More to entertain Adikins (hello hello!) actually. By request.

Whoo! Have a fan! You know how people always say your Mum is your biggest fan? Mine is my sister. Hurrah! No friend like a sister. (Who says that's from Little Women, wasn't it?)

Mad.

Bookworm

2007-06-19T02:55:00.000-07:00

My baby is a bookworm! Hurrah! He loves going to the library, and loves being read to. At the library today, Rehan started making his usual sounds upon hearing another mother reading to her child. He was so excited, he 'talked' v. loudly, much to the lady's amusement. Funny boy. :)

Bit by bit, Rehan is taking over my life - my days are spent on him, now I am talking about him all the time! Gak! Smugly sprogged? Nah. At least I hope not. I am just very happy to have him in my life.

Maybe it helps that he's v well-behaved. Ha ha. Thank God. Double ha ha (that would be 'ha ha ha ha'?)

Azah - Happy Birthday tomorrow! Hope we can do sth tg to celebrate? Bila2 free, okay?

Tagtime

2007-06-15T20:29:00.000-07:00

Love these 'quizzical' things! Today Nazir is at home so I have time for these things.

Challenge: Name 13 of ur classmates in high school (Azah has changed it to PRIMARY SCHOOL for obvious reasons) that u can think of right off the top of your head. Don’t read the questions underneath until you’ve written the names of all 13 people.
This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first. No Cheating!

1. Ain
2. Azah
3. Hafizah
4. Rennie
5. Irwan
6. Nadir
7. Jessica
8. ThuZar
9. Dewei
10. Ridzuan T.
11. Farhan
12. Marina
13. Aslin

What would you do/what would happen if you had never met 1?

I'll be bored (partner in crime, indeed!). Bored! In class and out. Also, more hot-tempered - she's a good balancing force. And I'd have insulted more people if she wasn't around - she's the one I complain to most of the time, especially when people piss me off.

What would you do if 6 and 2 date?
Ha ha ha....ha HA. No way, Jose.

Have you ever seen 4 cry?
Errr...have I? Don't think so.

Do you think 9 is cute?
Haven't seen him a long time but when he was pri 5, he was CUTE. Literally. In a kiddy, pinch-his-cheeks sort of way.

How did you get to know 8?
Classmate. For some reason we had gravitated towards one another.

Would you ever go on a date with 11?
If I weren't married, well, at least once. He's funny.

What’s 7’s Favorite color?
God knows, I haven't seen her a long time.

What would you do if 5 confessed he/she loved you?
The same thing I did in P.5. Laugh. (Sorry!) It's hard to take seriously any guy you know since he was in shorts.

Fact about 6:
I don't know much about him, actually. I do remember him being beaten by the teacher in school. V appalling.

Who is 12 going out with?
No idea.

What is number 10 to you?
I remember him as the naughty kid in kindergarten, then watch him grow up. (Thank God for that!) One of those people you remember fondly just because they have been a part of your life for so long.

Would you ever live with 13?
Not really, we aren't that close.

Where does 7 live?
Again, don't know

What do you think about 3?
The sweetest girl I know and am lucky to have known since kindergarten.

What’s the best thing about 2?
She's always there for you when you need her...and her HUGS!

Who is 11 to you?
Someone I did not know well in primary school, only getting to know now. But always easy to be around and one of those whom you will never lack conversation with.

Favorite Memory with 1?
Argh! Too many! Maybe of giggling in Malay class. Hanging out in uni and at cheese prata shop. Going to eat after getting O-level results. Having her (and Azah!) around when I had gotten married. She's pretty much there at every significant event in my life. Hmmm....I'll settle for walking to Queenstown library after school with her (and Azah).

PART DEUX

The rules are:
Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird random things, facts, or habits about yourself. At the end, you choose 5 people to be tagged, list their names, and why you chose them. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “you are tagged” on their profile and tell them to read your latest blog.
-Unquote

Weird, that is thy name! Or so people say about me. So, really, this is just facts about me. Ha ha. Here's what people find weird about me:

1. I used to eat 'bird' food - veggie, fruits etc - during recess.

2. I like sci-fi. Star Wars, Star Trek, Asimov. I would rather watch/read sci-fi than go out.

3. I actually like staying at home, lepaking about.

4. My weird sense of humour. Somehow, most people don't quite get intertextuality. Or maybe I just watch too much TV.

5. The library is my sanctuary.

Here's the weird things that people may not know about me:

6. I use the library as a test to determine a guy's suitability.

7. I approach marriage with cold logic, of which love is a factor, but not the deciding one.

8. I don't like children. Still. Just my own. And maybe friends' and family's.

9. I like 80s style. As kental as that is. Oversized sweaters and minis a la Cindy Lauper. You get the idea. Ha ha.

10. I am actually Tenderheart Bear. Grumpy Bear surfaces more often, that's all. :)

Tagging - anyone who reads this, finds it interesting, have spare time and a blog. If you don't have a blog but want to do it, feel free to use my comments page. :)

Geek in pink!

2007-06-15T20:10:00.000-07:00

Your Geek Profile:

SciFi Geekiness: Highest
Movie Geekiness: High
Academic Geekiness: Moderate
Geekiness in Love: Low
Fashion Geekiness: None
Gamer Geekiness: None
General Geekiness: None
Internet Geekiness: None
Music Geekiness: None

How Geeky Are You?

The best things in life have hidden costs

2007-06-12T08:32:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Ain, Azah, Kamal and Ros for an entertaining evening! :-)

You asked (;P) how I am finding life at home with baby.

The short answer: boring.

The long answer: While I have my hands full, have more things to do than hours in a day, it is the same tedious things...laundry, poopy diapers...well, one gets the picture. But (BUT!) there are really bright spots - like when Rehan gives me the gummiest of gummy grins, with 'battery water' (saliva) dripping while sitting in a diaper full of poo, as if to say "I know I pooped and you have to clean it, but, hey, see how cute I am. Isn't it worth it?" (ha ha). Or when he gurgles in response to a story I read him, as if commenting on how silly the emperor (of new clothes fame) is.

Everything is done, dishes and laundry done (usually Nazir does the former [thanks, love!] but today he's all burnt out, snoozing over the net, even!), Rehan is asleep. It's my favourite time of day, when there's nothing to do and I can just gaze at my beautiful boys, and be happy.

Sometimes I feel guilty of being so happy with domesticity. Shouldn't I be doing something else? The feminist streak wonders if settling in the typical female role, no matter how happy I am, is setting back feminism a month (hey, am not that narcissistic as to my impact on the world)? Yes, I know feminism is all about having choice and, I guess, I am lucky to have the choice that many don't. But to choose this? Is that doing anything to change the world?

Anyway. Just random thoughts.

At least my biggest problem is happiness, eh? :D

ex POST facto: thanks (belatedly) for the mother's day wishes, farah! your forgetful friend remembered your birthday a week before and a week after but not the day itself. go figure. so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Or rather: Have a good year!

One size does not fit all

2007-05-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

Rehan is outgrowing many of his newborn clothes. Sniff. He is growing so fast - he is now wearing 3-6 months and even 6-12 months clothes. Thanks to Hui Juin and Ain, who had bought bigger clothes (hee hee) for Rehan, the transition is smooth.

But as I pack away his old clothes, I feel a sense of loss. A loss of the crazy month just after his birth, seeing his first smile, hearing his first laugh. Some clothes I intend to redeploy to Nazir's brother's baby (seems such a waste otherwise), some to future babies (mine or my sister's). But there are some that I cannot bear to part with, even for Rehan's (possible) sibling. Like the little tops I bought him while he was still in me. Or the 'Milk' tees Adik bought him. They are very much his.

It seems ridiculous to be so sentimental about clothes. But there it is. Just as well I had not bought many - a lot were gifts from friends and family. Even then, in deciding who gets what, it is not reason but sentiment which guides me. Stuff from my side of the family and my close friends, I cannot bear to give to Rehan's cousin. Somehow, they seem to be (my) family heirloom.

It's a little bit funny...this feeling insideeeeeeeeeeee.......

Babies are not performing monkeys in booties

2007-05-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

Although I try not to rant too much on this blog, today I am too annoyed and heartsore not to not rant. I am so tired of people thinking they have rights to my baby. People who are, really, transient to Rehan's life. The horror of social events, now, is the people who wish to carry the baby and treat him like a parcel in a game. All they want is the gratification of fondling a baby. While I do not mind people holding him in general (in small doses) - for he needs to learn to be around people - I object him being passed around when that can cause him to be sick. Unfortunately, Rehan has had bouts of puking following his going out. Once, he had puked so much that his fonatelle depressed. I try to limit my own going out and shopping because of that. My baby's welfare seems, to me at least, more important than making people happy.

I suppose, coming from a family who respects boundaries and other's feelings, it is a shock to realize that some people don't really care or respect others and hide that disrepect behind the facade of being sociable. The fact of the matter is I love seeing my baby loved - especially by those whom I love. But I also know those who love him wouldn't want him to come to harm. And that is what separates the selfish buggers and the generous spirited.

You are never too old or too young to learn

2007-05-23T04:42:00.000-07:00

Rehan has started gurgling and laughing. This achievement was met with inordinate pride from everyone, except me - I had thought Rehan was three months old. It was a 'So, what?' for me. But, as it turns out, I was wrong about his age (as I usually am about age, in general). He's TWO months! Ha ha. So, now am v proud of what seems to be precociousness. Am not even sure whether that's normal or early (but will check that up) but will bask in reflected glory. Heh.

The internet has to be the best thing ever. Been checking stuff up viz. baby as and when it occurs. There is loads of stuff to learn still...am not done studying it seems. Heee...fun.

Up next, classical music. And how to upload homevids on blog. Any hints? Or Ain helpdesk?!

Brush your teeth whenever you can...

2007-05-18T18:44:00.001-07:00

...cause sometimes you don't have the time even to pee.

Well, today's obviously not such a day. Am at my mum's for the weekend to allow everyone a chance to cuddles Rehan and to allow me a chance for rest. So tired. Oy!

Ok, calling the milk van...din din.

Mentel-est smile ever!

You have to take the shit with the giggles

2007-05-10T07:43:00.000-07:00

We have finally moved to OUR house. Here's Rehan in the cot his Datuk Z bought.

For the second day in a row, my dearest boy shat on me and all over the place. Reasons unknown, his poo is runny and yellow in the day but not at night, making me clean-up crew and not his dad. (Great! He loves me that much, huh?)

The sheer enormity of cleaning up poo can make one weep.

And so, a graduate does a non-graduate's job. (p/s - is there a minimum edu requirement for a cleaner?)

Unfortunately, the same rule does not apply to grown-ups. In their case, the ones who are full of shit do not come with giggles. I do not see why those who have done nothing towards raising my child are the ones most inclined to telling me how to do it. But there it is. Argh...am growing up. Learning how to be coffee...or was it tea? Or me?

Politeness makes me refrain from telling them where to shove their 'advice' (read: criticism) and comments. Argh...am growing up. Learning restraint!

Mothers have espn

2007-04-29T00:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Rehan was circumcised. Wail! I finally understand how my mum seem to always know what I am feeling and what is going in my life even though no one told her. I had even thought she'd read my diary sometimes, she's that good. As it turns out, mothers are empaths when it comes to their babies. Sniff.

PRE-happiness

Let sleeping babies lie

2007-04-26T01:52:00.000-07:00

That is my number one advice for parents. Ha ha.

He's all botak now and look(ed) remarkably like Micheal Scofield. (Not anymore since he grows hair at an amazing rate.)

And when a hero comes along.......wail!

2007-04-12T18:43:00.000-07:00

Had a rant all ready to go but decided against publishing it. Re-reading what Adik had written, my sanity and patience was restored. Sometimes all you need is someone to understand and to say 'You can do it!'. If heroism is in the everyday things you do, then my sister is one too, for touching people's, or at least mine, lives positively. I'm sure, as is the way in this world, this is often left unsaid, even her students have been enriched with her as a teacher. It is only that the critics are so often louder - particularly because compliments are curiously silent. Anyway, even if the ingrates can't appreciate you, I can! Hee hee. Big love Adik!

Recovering

2007-04-09T04:05:00.000-07:00

Had a half reunion (half coz not everyone was there) yesterday. Loads of laughs as usual. :-) Not trying to make you feel more guilty Jah, but we missed having you. Brrr? Thanks for being there guys, and for sharing in the joy.

Am finding happiness with my little one. Hee hee. He has a varied number of faces...and all of them fascinate everyone in the house. He has become a real stress buster for all. Everytime someone in the house has too much work, they go looking for Rehan. It's really quite funny.

Post sister's wedding mayhem around the house slowly settling. Am not spared from the madness. Lots of 'friendly' advice to which I politely smile (or rather grit my teeth) and disregard. The problem with all the advice : they are usually contrary. So, unless the advice come from those people I consider reliable, it's bye-bye.

Am getting a little tired of well-intended acts; the only thing that comes to mind is the path to hell is paved with good intentions. Grit and bear it, eh?

Tweener

2007-04-03T17:47:00.001-07:00

From a beautiful post from my friend, Minerva. Thanks for the tribute. :)

For Rehan though, it would say Made in India. Ha ha. Welcome to globalization. Now we all know where Mothercare makes clothes.

Calm amidst madness

2007-03-29T23:36:00.000-07:00

Am finding unexpected pockets of time even with the chaos. Hopefully, some sort of a routine will be established soon. Right now, it's post-natal theraphy, people visiting and trying to get the hang of breast-feeding and cat-napping.

Post-natal theraphy: Malay madness! There is the bengkung madness (actually quite fun except when you sweat. For the uninitiated, bengkung is the Malay version of a corset). Baby is not spared - he gets bedung (swaddled) which is his least favourite thing, and a mini-corselet (forgot the name) thing, which he has no reaction to. Rehan's favourite thing: bath time. Hee hee.

So, maddest thing done: standing with knickers off over burning coal and some sort of incense...sauna Malay style. The massages are great though. Least favourite thing: pilis (herbal stuff you put on your forehead. Don't ask me what for. I don't know. Wail!). Most favourite: the stuff on my boobs. V good for swollen breasts. Ha ha. Joys of breast-feeding: it really hurts. The Hurrah squadron insists that breast-feeding doesn't hurt if done properly (hah. blame it on the mother. what a way to encourage breast-feeding). But here's a reality check - it hurts when your nipples crack, it hurts when your breasts are so full of milk and the baby won't wake up. And it's not just me...many mothers who have successfully breast-fed reassures me this is normal. So, take that sanctimonious prigs! (As you can tell, am not a big fan of people telling me to breast-feed, even though I had decided to do it. Bih.)

Errr...obsessing over breast-feeding. Meanwhile, the baby is free and clear of jaundice (hurrah! alhamdullilah) so no more check ups until Hep B jab. Little Rehan is a real warrior - having jabs and blood taken only elicts a mild 'eek' and he goes back to sleep. Heh.

A little non-sequiter: why should one not look a gift horse in the mouth? Remember the Trojan Horse?!

On a more sober note: One of my friend's father passed away recently. My condolences to her and prayers for her father. Hugs!

Life begins

2007-03-27T00:43:00.000-07:00

Rehan Faris bin Nazirudin was born on 22 March 2007, 14:59; the champ weighing in at 3.1 kg.

With his happy parentsBringing home baby
4 days old

Yep - my little Rehan is here. Finally. The past few days have been horribly hectic as everyone tries to adjust to a new (wonderful) presence. Been kept up at night by breastfeeding (it's more difficult than all these 'breast is best' people try to potray. hah!) but despite snoozing over him - it's all worth it when he smiles. Of course, my family and husband have been invaluable through this ... big thanks and big hugs all around. I don't know how single mothers do it.

STILL waiting

2007-03-05T01:53:00.000-08:00

Am just as eager (if not more so) as everyone else for the arrival of Rehan (or little Ryan, as Azah calls him. Why?! Ha ha. We all know why). Been getting messages to that effect - I'm waiting too! Wail! The baby is now 2.9kg, and the doc is telling me to lay off carbs and sugar in case the baby gets too big for delivery.

So, yesterday, against doctor's orders, I had my long-waited ice-cream, with Ain and Azah. Ha ha ha. I had been wanting to eat ice cream before the orders...so just this once. Anyway, eating less cookies now.
:-( Strangely, despite the 'eat what I want' regime, have not gained much me-weight. (Good, good.) Must be all the throwing up. (Not so good.)

Yup, the throwing up have returned. Yetch. Other joys of motherhood: leaking boobs, stretch marks you can FEEL but not see cause you are too big and a nose that everyone swears has swelled but isn't too huge cause it's small to begin with. Hee hee. Wearing maternity clothes - the same few things you bought, just enough for a week, repeated ad nauseum, because you want to buy baby things and don't want to waste money...anyway baby things are cuter, right? But it's so boring to have only 4 tops and 3 bottoms. You can survive (I have!) but I never want to see them again. For as long as I live.

I got to eat satay today. Yay! (It's proteins, not carbs! Ha ha ha.)

Going undercover

2007-01-30T02:04:00.000-08:00

Have just finished an excellent book "The Undercover Economist". For someone whose knowledge of economics is gleaned from fits of wakefulness in Econs lecture, the book is surprisingly entertaining, even gripping. I have been staying up the past two nights just to finish it. Better than a novel, eh? For anyone who wants to understand world events via economics (and does not want to snooze in the process), this book is for you.

Am still counting down...can't wait for baby to come out. I feel like I'm being stretched inside out, expanding much in the manner of the bullfrog competing with the cow. Feel like I'm going to explode!

Excesses

2007-01-15T07:13:00.000-08:00

Had a meltdown last week over chocolate cake, of all things. It is infuriating to be told that you can't buy a slice of cake, when the cake is in full view and in all its glory. But, apparently, you can only buy the whole cake, even if you are 1. pregnant 2. just walked in rain for the bloody cake. But here's the real pisser: a year back, I tried to get a whole cake from this same shop only to be told that you can't get whole cakes unless you order them. So, now, I am declaring my boycott of Secret Recipe, especially the one at Anchorpoint. GRRR.

Funny thing is, the baby got real scared, I think, when I was infuriated. He stopped kicking for a while. Sniff. V sad. So now am trying to keep a cooler head, if only to stop giving little Rehan a nasty shock. Now it's gr, a half-assed "grrr". Such is life.

Now that the baby is getting big (hurrah!), I've been getting backaches, on top of my usual ache from carrying extra boob weight. The baby is 1.4 kg, as of last Tuesday. :D Add that to placenta etc...I am glad I got somewhat fit before getting preggers. Good thing also that baby preps are almost complete...I think I need a break from going out. And sleep, sleep, sleep before bedlam arrives. Ha ha.

Congratulations to No. 2

2007-01-07T00:48:00.000-08:00

Finally, someone from the gang is married. I'm no longer the only one. Whoo hoo. Therein lies the perils of being ahead of the curve.

So, congrats to Nana, whom we all know from our not so sweet girlhood days. (Crescent! Yay!) She looks very girlish and demure (unlike the Nana we know! Hah!) and so pretty. :D

Thanks to Azah, got there and back by car. Joy! The wedding itself was like a normal Crescent get together - loud, boisterous and lots of racous laughter (except for the [strangely] silent bride. hyah.). It is nice to be back to the fold of the familiar and dear, to see that despite growing up and sideways, we are all who we are, tolerated and loved for being exactly who we are. Here's to staying the same - we all need constants in our lives, especially when changes keep happening.

Addendum:

My sister has just suggested I did a ticker tape countdown to little bun. Insane! Gagsville! God preserve me from turning smugly sprogged. But since Adik found a quite classy one and people keep asking when I am due, here it is... da da dum...

mwhahaha....miaow?

2006-12-18T02:55:00.000-08:00

I am human!!!

2006-12-13T16:03:00.000-08:00

Have just been asked twice to confirm that I am human by a computer. Ah, the irony.

It is strange to find myself dependent on the kicks of a baby to make me happy. Had freaked out last week when he did not kick for a whole day. He did, after all. Motherhood is perilous for my sanity. Talking to the baby also smacks of insanity but it is supposedly good for brain development. Of baby, not me...I can feel my brain cells degenerating....

Fun fact 1: Interestingly, language development occurs with live conversation, or so research says. Television or audio do not aid in the development of language in a child. Maybe because language is also pragmatics?

Also, discovered that am not as agile as I used to be. Oh, gone are the days I can squeeze between/behind fans, wardrobes, tight corners, people....now am sharply reminded everytime I go by like a petit bateau (heh) in a port full of ten gun or fourteen gun ships.

Don't really like to dwell on this since it just depresses me so...

Adventures on MRT: 4 (roundtrip)
Number of seats given up for: 0
Number of times shoved: 1
Number of times whacked with bags: 2
Number of times being invisible woman: 8 * number of people in carriage.

C'est la vie @ la isla bonita. (ha ha)

Fun fact 2: Babies get nutrients from the umbilical cord. It also passes waste back to the mother (poo!) to be pooped by the mother there. I say, isn't that a great metaphor for parenthood? You feed them and they give you crap. My sister Adik pointed out, can also be one for teaching. Ha ha.

Fun fact 2 courtesy of the Jurong East National Library. Hurrah to the wonderful institution. (Again.)

Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on

2006-11-26T07:47:00.000-08:00

(Everyone needs a friend to rely on)

When something goes wrong, one shouldn't complain when everything else is going right. But somehow that makes it worse, doesn't it?

The baby have started to move. Or rather, I have started feeling movements (and am v certain it's not gas). It's time to be an adult. How depressing.

Finding it hard to reach reasoned conclusions...maybe you are not supposed to. But it would be nice to be able to go through life with certainty (or not. I find people with certainty rather dogmatic, actually. Do I really want to be that way?). It's quite interesting to have a baby, but I do not want to be 'mother'. Being a mother is fine, not 'mother' if you know what I mean. I refuse to cede my individuality (gagsville: some people actually refer to self as 'umm xxx' i.e. mother of xxx) but it is starting to feel like swimming upstream in mud, if there is such a thing, when everyone else (generalization, of course) is determined to do it for you. If the self is how others see you, then I am in deep shit.

Funny how those who most want children (and love children. Even the less savory ones.) find it difficult to have them but I, who is too ambivalent to the whole thing, find myself in the very situation these people try so hard to be in. Maybe if we all get what we want, we will stop living. And I still do not understand why children are so desirable (other than for the continuation of the human race) to some. Sure they can be charming sometimes, but usually moulding them into that charming, decent human beings takes so much effort, too much responsibility. Surely anyone who wants to do right by their kids can realize you can never do it. It makes me want to give up before I even start. (Not that I can since I have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility.)

Anyway, am feeling much better so I should be out and about soon! Happily, the school holidays coincides with my general health, so I hope to be seeing some dear friends whom I have not seen for a long time. Huzzah!

Lovies to all who love little bun

2006-11-14T05:59:00.000-08:00

Am feeling much, much better these days...although I am still cautious about proclaiming that from the rooftops. Orchard is pretty much the limit (by cab) though, so not quite the pink of health.

Went for the first scan yesterday. Whee...hee...he. It's a boy!

To all my dearest friends, thanks for the well wishes and love. :-)

Limp as a wet dishrag

2006-09-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

For those in the know, the title of this post will make sense. Am taking advantage of a rare burst of energy to post something on the blog more meaningful than quizzes (though it gives me great joy to read what people read. Thanks Banu for responding to the tag!).

There is not much point in secrecy anymore - this Raya most people will know anyway. So, all my dearest friends who knew and kept the secret (kudos to y'all), you can now gab about it freely. Am in a family way, to put it delicately. Urgh....everything has to be delicate with me these days. Too much movement makes me barf. Ha ha.

As is evident, I have retained a modicum of sense of humour. Hard to put things in perspective when you have been (and seem to have to continue) facing the toilet bowl everyday (and night!). So, if anyone wishes to regale me with 'joys of motherhood' sentiments, kindly visit my house and I will barf on you.

Thankfully, the people around me are not inclined to such ridiculous sentiments. The reality of pregnancy is 3 months of puking, or if you are unlucky, even nine months of puking. Being full of gas, not being able to eat (cravings are a myth! ha! I can barely eat...okay, other than the occasional satay), and being breathless from doing nothing because all your internal organs are being squashed.

That being my litany of complaints - thank goodness am back at the family home! Loads of sympathy and love...not to mention company. Turns out, am not such a big fan of staying alone at home after all.

My grandma is at my house i.e. my mum's. V fun to have Ramadan with her around. She has been regaling me with stories of the past- v fascinating and insightful.

In advance, if I don't get to meet everyone I want to this Raya, v sorry. You know why, lah.

My life

2006-08-19T07:04:00.000-07:00

1. Three books that changed your life?
(i) Foundation - Issac Asimov
(ii) The Kevin and Sadie series - Joan Lingard
(iii) 1984 - George Orwell

2. Three books you have read more than once?
(Too many actually but here's the top three)
(i) Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
(ii) Kevin and Sadie series - Joan Lingard
(iii) The Cater Street Hangman - Anne Perry

3. Three books you would want on a desert island?
(i) A guide on how to live in a desert island
(ii) Timothy Zahn's Conqueror series
(iii) The Artemis Fowl series

4. Three books that made you laugh?
(i) The Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde
(ii) Anything by Carl Hiaasen
(iii) Sacred Art of Stealing - Christopher Brookmyre

5. Three books that made you cry?
(i) Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
(ii) A Walk to Remember - Nicholas Sparks
(iii) Little House series -Laura Ingalls Wilder

6. Three books you stayed up all night to finish?
(The last three books - I always stay up to finish books)
(i) Scandal in Spring - Lisa Kleypas
(ii) Artemis Fowl: The Last Colony - Eoin Colfer
(iii) Risalah (okay...so it's work!)

7. Three books that took you too long to read?
(i) War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
(ii) The left hand of darkness -Ursula Le Guin
(iii) 2001: A Space Odessey - Arthur C. Clarke

8. Three books you are currently reading?
(i) Yo Quiero Ser Raul - Jose Maria Plaza
(ii) Tales from around the world
(iii) Across the barricades - Joan Lingard

9. Three books you have been meaning to read?
(i) Canticle for Leibowitz - Walter M. Miller, Jr.
(ii) Hornblower series - C.S. Forester
(iii) Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

10. Now tag five people.

Kakak, Banu, Ain, Jieja, Azah.

Hello adikins

2006-08-17T00:47:00.000-07:00

If you comment on this post,

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory about you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. You must post this on yours

Okie, your turn

Cycle of life

2006-08-01T06:19:00.000-07:00

My grandfather (my mum's dad) passed away today. For some very strange reason, kept thinking about how he used to entertain me when I was a kid by making his dentures disappear and reappear (some things seem so funny when you were a kid). And how he would always insist on us eating. A porky kid is a healthy kid.

Am glad that I made it for the funeral this time.

Let's burn 'em baseball bats...

2006-07-21T00:29:00.000-07:00

Found this while helping my mum do some research. While I don't agree with everything, I sure agree with the sentiment. :D

http://www.soundvision.com/Info/news/hijab/hjb.10tips.asp

But I agree whole heartedly with dayo from new jersey, whoever s/he is.

Sisterly love

2006-07-17T02:47:00.000-07:00

At the request of adikins, some chain letter shite (shit? crap? oh no! sorry adikins the bowlderizer) answered:

24 relationship questions
1) Single, Taken, or Crushin?
Taken.

2) Are you happy with who you are?
Sometimes, on my better days.

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
Time is relative.

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
No. No one interested me enough and the one person who did loves me.

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is acceptable?
Never.

6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
See question 5.

7) Have you talked about marriage with another?
Not that I can recall.

8) Do you want children?
Maybe.

9) How many children you want?
Depends on God, and how tired I am of the whole endeavour after one.

10) Would you consider adoption?
No, why take care of someone else's kid when I am not even sure of the prospect of taking care of my own?

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think a cool way to let you know would be
Telling me he likes me. Gifts, expensive ones, would be nice too. Unless it's some awful chunky jewellery. Then, can I get cash?

12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
Only with people I don't care about.

13) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating?
What game? There's a game?! I do love games.

14) Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes.

15) Are you romantic?
Sometimes.

16) Do you believe that you can change someone?
No.

17) If you could get married anywhere, money not an object, where would it be?
Teotihuacán

19) Do you easily give in when you are fighting?
Depends on the topic.

20) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
Yes.

21) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you messed it up?
Not really.

22) Have you ever broken a heart?
Hah! According to a slow-poke a-hole who subsequently treated his girlfriend badly AND had a girlfriend while supposedly pining for me, yes.

24) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
No. If he wants to stray, the 'somebody' can have him. Good riddance!

For those who feel like putting this up on their blogs.... :D

Adik, mana 23?

Alternative voices - We are not alone!

2006-07-17T02:29:00.000-07:00

Was reading some articles on BBC (ha ha...I do read the news sometimes) and came across this : www.childfree.net.

"Because being childfree-by-choice is rather frowned upon by our kidcentric society, finding information (or links to information) is difficult. Most of us are almost afraid to ask someone who might know where we can find what we're looking for. . .the disapproving stares and cries of, "How can you not want children?!" often send us into a form of "hiding." We feel like freaks and don't realize exactly how many of us and exactly how much information is actually out there. This site attempts to remedy that problem."

Ha ha ha. "How can you not want children?" *wiping tears of mirth* Why is that even a question? Ha ha ha.

Although I am not decrying having children, I am all for the freedom of choice. Why must everyone want children? Well, it makes me feel so much better that I am not alone in this. :D

Hee hee hee.

2006-07-10T23:47:00.000-07:00

"Take it like a man, if that is what you are"

Moving on up, M People

Ha ha ha.

Popping in

2006-07-08T05:29:00.000-07:00

After a month or so of super-busyness, I have finally returned. Not too sure if anyone is reading this, but if my friends are like me, I would say some would read occasionally, if only to check up on me. :) Hi all!

It's funny how Ain, Azah and I have our busy periods and not so busy periods together. I guess that helps when we are trying to meet; still, quite bizzare how things seem to coincide. Anyway, I hope the easing of my scheduled activities holds true for them soon.

Nothing much going on in my life - seems to be endless rounds of errands. I sure hope this is not what life is about.

In the midst of all that, I managed to come up with my own 'cleverism' *masuk bakul angkat sendiri*. Since I am so proud of it, I will share it with you : The road to nowhere leads to despair. (Copyrighted, okay! Unless someone else have come up with it indepedently. Then, damn!)

A parting quote, from a favourite song of mine "Un dia normal" (A normal day) by Juanes:

"(N)unca sabes lo que tienes hasta que lo pierdes lamentablemente nunca vuelve"

One never knows what one has until it is lost, and lamentably it never returns.

Not that I have lost anything in particular recently, but I thought it was a nicely put.

Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

2006-06-15T07:25:00.000-07:00

My mum's house is undergoing re-painting + I'm moving out = V. busy.

Apologies to dear friends, especially Minerva and Erik. Will get back to you soon. Next week. Hopefully.

*sneez*

Other news: my sister is not back yet from Europe. Wail!!!!!!!! Miss Adikins v much! Most much! On the upside, I hear I am getting a Venetian mask. :D

Amidst all the work and errands, something had brightened up my day. My (sole) tuition kid asks "Were you there for WW2?" Mwhahahaha. Children....every adult must seem old to them.

First transmission from MY house

2006-06-09T21:13:00.000-07:00

My house is wired for Internet! Nazir says hurrah. This house is feeling more and more like home - but when I go back to my mum's, it still feels like home. So, I go home from home? Very confusing. Next week my mum is going to do what she loves best - renovating the house. So my house, or rather, my mum's house is in a huge mess of packing materials and confusion. To repaint the walls, put up lights - I wish her all the joy in the world.

Day of rest

2006-05-28T05:42:00.000-07:00

Sunday is definately not the day of rest. It is a day of endless wedding receptions. Maddening, tiring and irritating weddings. To quote, well, myself, "There's nothing to smile about. I am going to a wedding."

The thing I hate most about having to attend weddings is that they are always crowded with people you do not know. Worse, having attend a wedding where you do not know either bride or groom, or the parents of bride or groom, or anyone related to the wedding. So, why are you there at all? Because your husband is the son-in-law's son's brother's friend (Okay, an exageration).

So, as is evident, I went to a wedding today. At least this time I know some people (connection to bride and groom is somewhat spurious though). Highlights: great clothes and bangra. That's about it really. And, no one asking when I am having a baby. A first, I am sure, for any function with more than 2 people.

Maybe I am just tired, disgruntled with life in general, discolouring my worldview somewhat.

Anyway, I hated having to attend my own wedding! Weddings should be small and full of people you love - like your friends and (selected) family members (gross cousins are to be excluded. Ha ha). Really, the weddings I actually enjoyed going to are where I meet my friends at a friend's wedding. But, as I am continually reminded by reality checks, this is not an ideal world. In an ideal world, everyone would recycle. And not use recycling bins as rubbish bins. But I digress.

Call me materialistic

2006-05-26T02:19:00.000-07:00

Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me
I think theyre o.k.
If they dont give me proper credit
I just walk away
They can beg and they can plead
But they cant see the light, thats right
cause the boy with the cold hard cash
Is always mister right, cause we are
Chorus:Living in a material world
And I am a material girl
You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl

Some boys romance, some boys slow dance
Thats all right with me
If they cant raise my interest then i
Have to let them be
Some boys try and some boys lie
butI dont let them play
Only boys who save their pennies
Make my rainy day, cause they are

(chorus)Living in a material world [material]
Living in a material world(repeat)

Boys may come and boys may goAnd thats all right you see
Experience has made me rich
And now theyre after me, cause everybodys

(chorus)A material, a material, a material, a material world
Living in a material world [material]
Living in a material world(repeat and fade)

Single once again

2006-05-24T18:28:00.000-07:00

Am now a bachelor, of the house of Arts. Ha ha. Husband did not mysteriously die. Just got my results today and it's official. No more school. Can graduate.

Hanging out

2006-05-22T01:17:00.000-07:00

Am at Ain's office...enjoying the last moments before she moves to as yet unknown office. Have spent the past few days enjoying the lack of exams. Unfortunately, true enjoyment is held in check by the fact that the results will be released on the 25th. At this point, not much can be done and I cannot help but feel fatalistic about it - in a very bad way.

Thinking, thinking and thinking. It's not a good thing to think too much, after all. Concerns become worries, problems become bigger and everything concentrates at that one spot in your head to give a massive headache. Trying to think about money and investments but sadly money bores me unless I am spending it. Ha ha.

Truly Singaporean

2006-05-05T21:29:00.000-07:00

Exams are finally over. Like a typical Singaporean, the elections have taken a backseat to more (pragmatically) important things like exams. To paraphrase, exams must go on. So, today have emerged from the shackles of exams to discover that political scene is not dead. Pleasantly surprised by Mr. Brown strictly non-persistantly political pieces. Especial favourite is No. 3 podcast. :D Ranks up there with Bremner, Bird and Fortune, Singapore-stlye. Kudos!

Being somewhat less than a citizen (damned walkover), have a holiday today with nothing to do! So, time to PARTY!!! Ha ha. But, no post-election party yet, dear friends. Pending...pending. Grr.

party pooper

2006-04-30T06:42:00.000-07:00

have not found curtains. house in shambles. please forgive me dear friends....wail!

Party postponed until further notice.

Quiz time

2006-04-18T02:06:00.000-07:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

This is the remix

2006-04-18T01:13:00.000-07:00

The best things in life are free but you can give them to the birds and bees. I want MONEY. (da da da dum). That's what I want.

Cause we are living in a material world. And I am a material girl. Material. (Background: Jerry Maguire shouting "Show me the money.")

And for some very odd reason, ends with "go to the matresses."

Songs running through my head

2006-04-10T05:03:00.000-07:00

Remember the scene from the Mask where everyone does the conga? Well, that song is running through my head at the moment. The DJ in my head is mixing it right now with (a super camp song) "Ce....lebrate good times, c'mon. C'mon." Having successfully submitted my thesis (after a minor glitch of having to hoof it from AS5 to Old Admin building to draw money to pay for thesis binding - something the office failed to notify us, and just sprung it on everyone when we were there. Brrr.), am still feeling victorious.

Since I was determined to watch a movie, I had raked through the papers to find something that wasn't Ice Age 2 and Tristan and Isolde (having had prior bookings with my sisters). Stumbled upon a little (if at all) advertised movie by Luc Besson - District 13 (Banlieue 13). A little late in coming to Singapore theatre; itwas actually released in 2004.

The story: 2010. The French government has erected walls around ghettos, to (uneffectively) contain crime. District 13 is the worst. Leito, a disenchanted youth (disenchated with the government mainly) is roped in by the cops (unwillingly) to help defuse a bomb which has been stolen by "baddies". He is paired with a man of action, idealistic cop. There's a twist in the end that I won't reveal and which would not really be surprising for those familiar with the science fiction genre, especially of the Phillip K. Dick variety.

What I thought about it: Star Trek:Deep Space Nine meets Yamakasi. The story line is nothing new really; something that has been re-hashed in science fiction. What was good about it though was that it was set in France: as an projection of current events in France, this is a "worse-case scenario" that should not happen but could conceivably happen. What I like most about science fiction is the ability to critique the current trajectory of human history by placing it in the future. In B-13, it was very well done. It wasn't overdone and the issues did not take over the characters. The script has a feel of Kiss of the Dragon to it, not that that detracted any since I liked KOD immensely.

The stunts were reminiscent of Yamakasi, though, and felt a little old. Still, I like the way it was shot. Tightly paced. Good fun if you like the stuff Besson has produced so far. Which I do. So, SUPER!

This looks like an entry of reviews. I have also finished Brick Lane by Monica Ali. Was surprisingly entertained and pleased with it. Shortlised for some award or another: a usual death sentence for me. Despite the cliched beginning (Indian girl goes to England after an arranged marriage to older, ugly guy and subsequently has an affair with a younger guy), I thought it was well written. The subject (the effects of immigration on the immigrant community and their reactions etc) was treated with normality - which I have always felt was lacking in some other novels in the same vein. I especially liked the way it has been written as a series of events in the protagonist's life; Ali's writing meanders like life does, picking out the moments that shape us as who we are and uses these moments to potray a realistic picture. (sorry for that rather artsy way of putting it). The ending was happy without being cliched or "western". You know what I mean - the happy ending that involves running away with the lover (hurrah emancipation! Like that's emancipation.) and living happily ever after. Instead, we get a small victory for the protagonist on the path to happiness - being able to skate. I highly recommend it (despite some eye-glazing moment where Ali describes way too much. I just skim through that) especially if you are not mad keen on artsy books that pretend too much in the effort to say too much about certain issues. And especially if you want a book about Muslims without being "MUSLIM", if you know what I mean.

So, here's me, signing off. Watching Ice Age 2 tomorrow, hopefully. Unless me mum insists on going potty. Ha ha.

Back to our usual programs

2006-04-09T06:30:00.000-07:00

Am doing jigs and victory dances as I have - after a LONG time - finished my thesis. HURRRRRRRRRRRAH! The joy and relief is indescribable.

According to the list of rules and regulations, the acknowledgement page is "for making acknowledgements that have a direct bearing on the HT and is not for indulging in routine gestures of politeness or sentimental attitudinising. In all things, students should be guided by good taste and good sense." So, this is my REAL acknowledgements:

Acknowledgements (Version Blatant Sentimentalism)

I wish to thank God. To say, this was a product of divine help was no exageration.

For my family:

My father, for funding four years of study, and for showing amazing faith and pride in my abilities.

My mother, for putting up with my vile temper, and for love, manifested in most concrete ways.

My eldest sister, for empathy and staying up with me.

My second sister, for her unflailing support, her final hours help and somewhat misguided belief in my intellectual capacity.

My husband, for support, fulfilled promises, but most of all, for being there – and staying – during the crying jags.

My best friends - Ain and Azah, for the wonderful workouts and lunches. They have kept me sane.

My participants – those who made the cut and those who did not. This, literally, wouldn’t have been possible without all of you.

Yash Raj Films – for making Mohabbatein. The all-nighters wouldn’t have been the same without it.

Will get back to all when I have finished my post-thesis pre-exam celebrations. I will leave all with a wonderful moment from "Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam".

The story goes: Heroine in love with loser guy. Hero 'potong jalan' unwittingly. Hero and heroine gets married. Hero finds out heroine pining after loser guy. So, hero carts heroine off to Italy to find loser guy. After fruitless searching, heroine loses her temper with hero and accuses him of not knowing what it feels like to love someone, etc, etc. So hero replies:

“I’m suffering every minute. You know why? Because you are suffering. I’m going to lose both ways in what you think is a game. You know why? Because I-” (lets out a gust of exasperated breath.)

“You don’t know what love is.” (Turns to leave, grabs a towel and leaves to take a shower. Ha ha. )

Hee. No overt declarations of love. Just a wonderful emotionally laden scene. This is the stuff of Bollywood dreams. :D

The Great Singapore Novel(ist)

2006-04-05T07:48:00.000-07:00

Am amazed and somewhat flattered to have scored such a high-profile spell checker. Thank you to Alfian for your comments and correction. I am familiar with Said’s work and, in light of your vehement self-defense, conceed that I may have misconstrued your own (However, citation, dear A.A., is a great way of preventing similar misunderstandings. That was a cheap shot, just to keep things equal. ;D).

Nonetheless, to cast yourself as a feminist might be a bit of an exageration. We all have our pet peeves – patriachy is not yours, to go by the bulk of your work. Identity, colonialism, the Malay question. Yes to all. Not women.

"I doubt you would arrive at these conclusions if you had read one of my plays, 'Madu II', which was a revisionist take on P. Ramlee's own canonical 'Madu Tiga', exposing its sexist constructs. Or anything I'd written about the 'Talaq' issue, which conjured the bogeyman of the 'religiously-inflammatory' to disguise patriarchal power-play. Many other plays I have written, from 'Tapak 7' to 'The Miseducation of Minah Bukit' to 'Selamat Malam Ibu' deal specifically with the experiences of women."

Thank you for pointing out the relevent works - however, this is where we must agree to disagree. Incidentally, I thought P. Ramlee's "Madu Tiga" was deliberately sexist, to reveal the prevailing (and current) sexism. Hence why it was so funny.

In adiition, arguments are not valid or ‘feminist’ by virtue of being made by a feminist (self-declared or otherwise), despite the popularity of this practice (Don’t feel too bad – even academics do it. Oops. Cheap shot number 2. You can make up the numbers the next round.). But if we must play the ‘my balls is bigger than yours’ game, I must conceed defeat, since I have none to begin with. Just taking the piss. To return to my point, I wonder, what sort of a feminist are you? “Islamic feminist”, “Marxist feminist”, etc? American, French or British school of thought? “Black feminist”, perhaps? Beware of the contradictions of your beliefs, if you must defend yourself.

"So many of those I admire are women: Sisters in Islam, Lily Zubaidah Rahim, Salbiah Ahmad, Marina Mahathir, Alin Mosbit, Nirmala Purushotham, Sharon Siddique, Lucy Davis...some have been my teachers as well."

Admiring women not equal to feminism.

Btw, I have sprinkled the above with some more errors (spelling and grammatical! Huzzah!). Have fun finding Wally. :-)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Addendum:

My comments was not meant as a personal attack, really. Even when I criticise something, I do it tongue-in-cheek. Please take the Nonok comment as such. I do apologize if I had insulted you. That was not my intention.

That said, you might benefit from acquiring a sense of the absurd, A.A. ;-)

And "Oversensitive, hysterical, irrational ex-fan" really isn't me. For one, I was never your fan (nothing personal - my reading/viewing tastes run more towards "Dune" and popular culture. Obscure metaphors are not my cup of tea. Even if I have to study them. :P). For another, having publicly displayed my opinions, I do not have any qualms making more under my own name.

Argumentum ad populum

2006-04-04T02:52:00.000-07:00

It is faintly distressing to read a dearth of original thought and the perpetuation of certain neo-patriarchal ideas, especially from our so-called (self-proclaimed? ha ha.) Malay elite.

The Standard Malay Guy Defense

"4) The tendencies, in SAF policies to feminise the colonised, viewing Malays as prone to religious hysteria or communal irrationalities. Responding to a call for dialogue by the Malay community on the position of Malays in the army, Lee Kuan Yew himself agreed in principle, but warned that discussions should not be too emotional; in his own words, no 'baby-talk'. "

http://alfian.diaryland.com/forum.html, emphasis mine

So, to feminise something is to attribute 'hysteria' and 'irrationalities' to that thing? Having had that thrown at me, countless times, by (usually) males when trying to discount my logical (hell, you can make a formal analysis of my logic in those instances) points, the inadvertant repetition by someone like Alfian Sa'at irritates. But hey, I'm just being an oversensitive, hysterical and irrational woman, eh?

What can you expect from the 'Nonok' guy? (Ha ha. Malay people will understand the joke.)

"Alamak makcik! Kassim tak mampu!
Sabariah cuma pandai dan jambu.
Kemas masak dia tak tahu.
Dah kahwin nanti guna pembantu.
Macam gini muflislah aku!"

"Alah Mak, itu semua tak perlu.
Rezeki kami Tuhan yang tentu.
Iman dan kasih disemai padu.
Dari Mak kami pohon doa dan restu."
"Apa, kamu hendak aku menanggung malu?
Kau hendak makan pasir dan batu?
Tak ada duit,hidup dengan cintamu?
Aku tak mahu! Aku tak setuju!"

Kassim Selamat melangkah lalu.
Simpanlah Sabariah dalam almari baju!
Tidak terubat luka hatiku
dek hinaan Mak Dara itu."

http://www.dewbaby.blogspot.com/

Is it so wrong to expect standards from your prospective husband? Here's the rub: 'Kassim' expects 'Sabariah' to be able to cook and clean and therein lies her worth. BUT she cannot hold him to a standard i.e. to have enough money.

I have always found it funny that the standard Chinese response to "I'm married" is "How much does he earn?" (in its various forms: Is he stable? Does he have a car? etc.)
But the standard Malay response is: Do you have any children yet?

But in light of multiple cases of irresponsiblity of Malay men viz. maintenence, and a wide-spread expectation that the primary duties of the wife is to cook, clean and bear children and to support a husband if he needs it, which unfortunately entails working to 'help' the husband with household expenditure (for cost of living is SO high in Singapore, protests the husband. *sob* *cough* *s.o.b.*) , the standard Malay response is just a sad reflection of the Malay society's priorities. Children, while important in the propogation of the human race and indeed of human society, I believe, are not more important than the individual. Or at least this individual. I have no problems with people who wish to place more importance to their children's lives than their own. I do have a problem when these people expect (m)others to do the same, and if these others do not conform, they are somehow evil (at the most extreme) or unnatural.

What I detest most is the incessant use of Islam to support their neo-patriarchal constructs. Do you want to know why Islam have been accused of being patriachal? Opresses women? Here's a clue: look at what YOU are doing. How Islam has been taught. Islamic fiqh books. And most of all, look at how Muslims have responded to allegations of mistreatment of women. For, on the most part, a defense is made. Not a reevaluation of current practices, supported by a certain interpretation of the Quran and Hadith.

And just because other women parrot this, does not make it okay. It does not make it acceptable or less opressive. (One might argue even more so.) Argumentum ad populum is a fallacy.

I have reached a stage in my life where I have to speak out. Goaded, no doubt, by some smugly expressed ideas, in both real-life and online. Don't worry all. This is the last avenue for such political pieces. Am just expressing my personal frustrations for the time being. I need to do more research and write something more credible than this personal diatribe before I can actually speak out for real. So, in the meantime, just a long, angry entry. :D

Party Planner

2006-04-03T03:38:00.000-07:00

Oh dear. Conflicting dates....

So can I have a vote?

Saturday or Sunday?

Woman on edge

2006-03-29T09:05:00.000-08:00

Have just sent a terse email to my group members - guess what? There is no cathartic outlet for anger. :S

Having a party on 6th of May, hopefully. Invites and address will follow suit, when my bloody thesis have been submitted. Just keep the date open, yeah? Dearest friends (i.e. Farah, Ain, Azah, SK, Amal and Banu), pls give a shout if the date is inconvienient for you. Will try to find a date suitable for all.

because I have better things to do

2006-03-28T00:14:00.000-08:00

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable. You pull punches, but people still love you.

What Kind of Food Are You?

More, more and more!

2006-03-25T07:37:00.000-08:00

Really I should be doing sth productive. Ha ha.

You Are a Caramel Crunch Donut

You're a complex creature, and you're guilty of complicating things for fun.You've been known to sit around pondering the meaning of life...Or at times, pondering the meaning of your doughnut.To frost or not to frost? To fill or not to fill? These are your eternal questions.

What Donut Are You?

but i do not bore my friends with the results of my pondering...ah- ha. :D

hoot and a half plus one

2006-03-25T07:28:00.000-08:00

Again, courtesy of Ain

Your Inner Pop Princess Is Hilary Duff

"I'm sheddingShedding every colorTrying to find a pigment of truthBeneath my skin"
You're sweet and cute, but a little more complex than that.

Who's" Your Inner Pop Princess?

No way! Oh well, could be worse...like say, Britney. *gag*

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk.
You should major in:
PhilosophyMusicTheologyArtHistoryForeign language

What Should You Major In?

ha ha. and so i am.

Registry

2006-03-21T02:48:00.000-08:00

My house is shaping up slowly but surely. Intended big move: after exams! So, be ready for parties after the fifth.

In the meantime, for those who want to buy me housewarming presents (not that its obligatory, really) I am putting up a list of stuff, just to make everyone's life easier (hee hee...this idea is v popular amongst some quarters!)

For those who are as prosaic as me, the following is a list of things I need:

Pillows
Cushions
Knives and block
Ladles, that thing for frying things (in Malay: senduk, sudip), tongs.
Tupperware of all shapes and sizes
Rice Cooker
Blender
Push pedal rubbish bin

For the more romantic, things I want:
Crabtree and Evelyn Drawer Liners (Lavender)
or C&E drawer sachet stuff
Plain wood frames
Marks and Spencers scented tealights (pear)
red mosaic glass tealight holders (i think banyan tree or british india, or lims at holland shopping centre)

For the record, my colour scheme is cream and pale blue. :)

Sproglets

2006-03-18T01:27:00.000-08:00

Here are the rules society never live by:

Never ask someone unemployed whether they have found a job
Never ask someone single when they are getting married
Never ask someone married when they are having children

You know what I hate more than Smug Marrieds? Smug UN-marrieds. You know the kind - all they ever want is to be married and have children - and think that is the only legitimate thing in life: shocking, these (of course, lonely) career girls. They might say they don't need a man, but really in their hearts they want a man, and 2.5 children. And of course, if one gets married, naturally, they want children.

The thing I can't stand is, the view that children are the be all and end all of one's existance. That children should come first in life. That there can be no fanthomable reason why someone would put off getting married, or having children or have an abortion.

Reasons not to ask if someone is having children:
1. It's too intrusive and offensive (hello, is like asking someone if they are having sex! or "are you infertile?" Take your pick.)
2. What? Do I look fat? Enough said.

Something worse, (that I have been getting), why aren't you having children? As if I owe an explaination to that person (what the hell, right?) for why I am not having children. Bad enough the person holds me to his/her standard, what I have to explain myself? None of your damn business.

Oh wow. This girl has a lot of rage. Ha ha. Anyway, very few people can ask me the question: best friends and immediate family - whom I know do it out of love and care. Not some random extended family or people I meet once a year if there happened to be a gathering.

Canned

2006-03-13T08:25:00.000-08:00

Shows I have enjoyed but did not live long enough

1. Space:Above and Beyond

One of my favourite sci-fi shows ever. That is saying a lot. Who's the real enemy - aliens or humans? Who started the war? What started the war? Ambiguity in war is one of my favourite themes in sci-fi (my favourite books - Ender's game [Orson Scott Card], Conqueror series [Timothy Zahn], for example) and this is a show that explores the theme. Mix in themes of racial segregation, some shades of Vietnam War and racism. Coupled with great characterization and casting, a great show that was cut short.

2. Queen of Swords

A female Zorro! Super camp, super cool show. Undercurrent of tension between Captain Grisham and Tessa...mostly, one-sided (generated by el capitan) and futile. Mainly, cause he's the baddie and she's Zorro. But the romantic in me can hope...at least until the show got axed!

3. Jonny Zero

Why this entry? The answer lies with Jonny Zero, a show I have been following (Thursdays, 1 am, Channel 5). I recently found out, during one of my boredom-induced net searches, that it has been cancelled. V sad.

Basically, it follows the life of Jonny Calvo, an ex-con trying to keep on the straight and narrow, but always landing into more trouble as he tries to help people (a great reason NOT to help people, innit? ha ha). Has a "Lock, Stock" feel to it. One gripe - weird camera work. Still, good storyline, dialogue and has the whole (realistic?) NY/Puerto-Rican vibe that somehow works for the show.

4. Bugs

A long ago Brit tech-spy show. The appeal of the show lies in the characters and simple storylines. Never fails to amuse me each week.

Shows that should have been cancelled while the going was good

1. Desperate Housewives

I used to love this show - until it degenerated to sleazy affairs. Snappy dialogue seemed to have died with (not so beloved) Rex, but really, the show died when Carlos went to prison.

2. X-files

Conspiracy theories? Alien abductions? Scully being subjected to both?! Yawn.

3. Charmed
Three weird sisters hand in hand. Then, one threw a hissy fit and left. Lo, and behold. The illegitimate love-child takes her place. And then there were three. Again. (Don't get me started on bad identity change and awful witch-let.)

4. Angel

Computer uploads? Gone is my favourite Gunn. Plus, more angst than ha ha-s. Not my idea of a good time.

Only fools and horses work for a living

2006-03-10T20:32:00.000-08:00

My last exam is on the 5th of May... that is two months away, I think. Hopefully, would be the last exam in NUS, that is. Cause I want to graduate! I don't ever want to see NUS again (translation: don't want to deal with the admin, wretched unhelpful toads that they are). Burn them bridges and leave!!!! So, for the moment, am trying to keep my head above water, and go through the motions. I used to think I wanted to do Masters if I got second upper or above (stipend!), but now, NO! Like many of my friends, am looking for a job but dragging my feet with applications. Am balking at the thought of working all of a sudden. :S

New friends...and old

2006-03-07T15:24:00.000-08:00

Woke up at six (that's a.m.!) to do my tutorial and ended up just printing notes (cause I don't know how to do and am asking dear sister to help). Yesterday, received two friendster invite - one from a new friend :D, and the other, surprisingly, from someone I have not seen since primary school. I am amazed that she remembered me - especially since I needed some time to figure out who she was. Ha ha. We did use to hang out a lot in primary school, so perhaps I shouldn't be surprised. It's just that my memory for people is bad, and, somehow, narcisstically, I hold everyone else to my standards.

Having accepted the request, and logging in friendster after a long time (really, if it wasn't for Adik's blog!), I looked through my 55 friends, and realized that my memory was as bad as I thought it was. Translation: it took great effort for me to remember some people. :S Not having a memory like Azah (who incidentally is a great friend to have, esp when it comes to prompting one *me* during social events!), I forgot some people I had on my list.

This reviewing one's friendster list evokes a sense of nostalgia - if not for friendster, I would not be able to contact the people I rarely talk to, but would like to "dengar berita" (hear about? know news of? not the best translator in town, evidently). There are people from my uni days (eman, san) whom I have not seen online and wonder how they are. It's really quite...well, not quite fun really...but interesting (?) to flip through one's memories.

Incidentally, have you had the experience of flipping through your albums and not knowing who you took pictures with? Ha ha. I used to write names on the backs of pictures cause I know how bad my memory can be.

Last gasp

2006-03-04T09:47:00.000-08:00

"Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinking
Maybe six feet ain't so far down"

--- One last breath, Creed.

Counting days

2006-02-28T02:03:00.000-08:00

I hate printers, computers and the whole lot. Think I shall disappear into the jungle for a while...except I CAN'T. I have a test tomorrow, a HT and two essays to submit. It has come to the point that the thought of death brings the consolation that I don't need to write my thesis. I want to sleep!

Passing Time

2006-02-22T08:41:00.000-08:00

Anything is better than writing my HT!!! Have developed a habit of surfing matrimonial sites, just for shits and giggles. I especially love to read the Arab/North African ones - one can just feel the 'macho' vibe. Scary. Hee hee. My top favs though (if I were to pick someone to marry): North Americans (usually African-American; quite nice sounding generally), Algerian/Morrocan (of non-scary variety) and South Africans (generally, non-extreme tendencies).

If I were to put up a matrimonial, this is what it would probably sound like:

24, attractive (enough), a bit of a wit, intelligent (more or less) and suffering from dimunitive-itis. Have more sense than is sensible to display.
Loves music (rock, opera, hiphop and Spanish pop), reading (especially science fiction) and watching TV. Will not entertain proposals to spend life in deen; love me for who I am!
Seeks: responsible man, who preferably does not wish to live in Singapore and has the means to do so. Must have a sense of the absurd, kind and soft-spoken.

Writing this is rather fun! No one will respond to my ad though - too damn scary.

My favourite quotes:
[seeks] constructive woman, not destructive
looking for the Halal girl (sic)
looking for second wife (!)
Forever wife (as tag)

Also, a forty year old man looking for a woman 18-26. Jeez.

Lost Art

2006-02-22T00:44:00.000-08:00

Jikalau merpati sudah terpikat
Jangan terlepas ikatan benang
Jikalau hati sudah terikat
Lekas, lah, lekas masuk meminang

from "Tiga Abdul", 1964.

After a heinous foray into HT-land, I took a break into Malay-land and rediscovered the lost art of "berbalas pantun" (an exchange of wit through verse) in "Tiga Abdul", a film by P. Ramlee. Which I have never watched (believe it or not). Finally, I got the jokes my JC (mat!) friends made - amongst which "Isketambola" and "Isketambatu" (fictional countries - the joke lies with the pun made by "ketam" (crab) and "batu" (stone) which makes it a type of crab. Jeez. It's funnier unexplained!), and "Oi, di sana" (hey, there). An apt demostration of intertextuality and jokes. Anyway, the quoted pantun above had charmed me so I put it up on my blog. Don't ask me to translate though. I can do literal but it would totally spoil the prettiness of the verse. Never has "kata beralas" looked so good.

A side-note: My favourite "Bujang Lapok" has always been Ajis. He's responsible, has a steady job, gentlemanly...and most of all, sensible! Ha ha. And they say Malay men are useless. Rewatching the show, I realized, I still like him best. Funnily enough, there are enough similarities with Nazir. :D V weird.